Ghosts
by Reive
Summary: A new DaDA teacher arrives and she and Snape have to contend with their complicated past. The story is now complete -- sequel Unfinished Games has begun. Please R/R.
1. the return

Returning to Hogwarts would be filled with ghosts for anyone, of course. But some people and some years had more history than others. Allosia Hemrand was returning to Hogwarts after nearly fifteen years to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. She was perfectly clear that she was probably not the best qualified for the job in terms of knowledge, but she was stable and strongly suspected that the ability to finish out the year without harming anyone, going insane or nearly getting herself killed were the traits that had gotten her hired.  
  
Since she had left Hogwarts, all those years ago, she had not been back for either professional or personal reasons. Her years there had been wonderful, but in many ways, too good. Nothing had quite measured up afterwards, and the petty intrigues of adulthood had made much of the ridiculousness inter-house strife of Hogwarts seem oddly meaningful.  
  
She had been, and supposed still was, Ravenclaw although it was never as much a part of her as it was many others. After all, she had broken the record for how long the Sorting Hat had had to think on what to do with her. What she had never told anyone else was that the other option had been Slytherin. And she was no help to the damn hat either. She debated with it, twisting logic around both it and herself. Would she like to be a political animal, or a student of politics? Would she be more powerful rising to power or being a great advisor to those in power? Which position would a Slytherin see worth in? Which would a Ravenclaw study for? Her practical, non-magical intelligence made her more Slytherin than many members of that troubled house. It also allowed her to befriend some of them, and at least keep the others at bay, which of course made everyone distrust her. She was fiercely loyal, but had nowhere obvious for her loyalties to lay.  
  
Most of her friends were older, and she was kept around as a mascot, in the case of Ravenclaw, and as more of a pet, in the case of Slytherin. Amongst the Ravenclaws her closest friend had been a boy her age named Gage Garramond and amongst the Slytherins Severus Snape, a fifth year when she arrived at Hogwarts, had been her early protector and tormentor, not that he had had very many friends himself.  
  
Gage had died six years ago, and it was one of the reasons Allosia had not returned for the reunion. She hadn't wanted to talk about it, or see his wife, or comfort people about it, or worse, need comforting herself. And she hadn't wanted to see Severus, not in that context, not after so many years and so many misunderstandings.  
  
Now, she was grateful for not having been able to arrive at Hogwarts in time for the week long teachers' conferences before term. She could get right into work, and find her own rhythms and pace before anyone found the time to bother her about the past. If she was lucky,  
  
  
  
Walking into the Great Hall was almost easy. Allosia steeled herself, and walked right down the center aisle, staring straight ahead at absolutely nothing. In her robes, a mix of baroque fabrics in dark green and black, with a hint of purple trimmings, she supposed she looked imposing. For now, she could live with that. As she approached the teachers' table she willed her personality into the on position and greeted Dumbledore with a handshake and a slight bow. He smiled at her and provided welcome, before turning to Professor McGonogall and noting, "it is my hope she can help us bridge some of the gaps here.' McGonogall, nodded, but was clearly distracted as she was watching the clock count down the final three minutes before she had to introduce the latest group of first years to life at Hogwarts.  
  
Dumbledore quickly introduced Allosia around the table, and then directed her to her seat at the end, next to a seat that was still empty. As if reading her mind, Dumbledore, bent over and whispered in her ear, "he's still chronically late for anything involving other people." Severus.  
  
Allosia practiced greeting him in her head. Hello Snape. Hello Professor. Severus, it's been a long time. All of it sounded dishonest to her. When she found out about the posting she'd sent an owl to him, just letting him know. She didn't think it would be right to surprise him, and she'd seen enough of Dumbeldore's tricks to know he might neglect to mention it. Severus had not responded.  
  
He appeared by the door of the Great Hall halfway through the Sorting Ceremony. Allosia watched him under her eyelashes as he lounged in the doorway, still privileged, still graceful, still miserable and with a face like a carnival. As the last child was sorted, and into Slytherin at that, he entered, clapping his hands and shouting, "Well Done!" for his House. He hadn't the slightest idea what to say to her either. That was clear. Allosia directed her attention to Dumbledore as he made the final announcements before the meal and held her breath.  
  
Snape sat down with an ill-tempered flourish of robes designed to intrude on her space and field of vision. She ignored it, until he leaned over to her and whispered, "I suggest you start breathing again, my dear," before helping himself to some corn and then summoning a bowl of green beans. Allosia swallowed, "Hello, Severus." 


	2. unpacking history

In her rooms, Allosia unpacked her things. At first, she used magic, but then found the physical activity and mess of it was a good distraction, not so much from what had happened this evening, but from the increasing dread she was feeling about sharing a world, this world, Hogwarts, with Severus again. After all, she still wasn't clear on everything that had happened, or why it had happened.  
  
She reviewed what she knew to be facts. Severus had been her Potions tutor first year, for no reason other than it was about the only type of detention his poor health would let him serve usefully. He liked her cunning, and her intolerance for the slow, but she was still a child, still a Ravenclaw, and still, ultimately, trivial. He tested new potions on her and she had enough intelligence to lie when couldn't undo something himself and had to take her to the infirmary. She understood quickly, that if she endured this, she would not have to endure the torments, teasings and beatings the Slytherins generally dished out to the rest of the school. She understood that she was helping the wildly unpopular Severus, and that he was enough of a political creature to understand he was building a debt to her.  
  
In her second year, she had confessed to Severus that she had a crush on him. He had berated her stupidity and lowliness for hours and ultimately pushed her towards Gage - he was her age and a Ravenclaw. It was more suitable. Somehow, Allosia even remembered understanding that he was right. They still spent time together though, because of tutoring, because of experiments. Just like the hat had mentioned her first night at Hogwarts, she had a passion for helping great men be great and when it came to Severus, she had managed to convince herself that that could be enough.  
  
In Allosia's third year, she began to date Gage. It was childish, ridiculous, it irritated her even then. It was clear they wouldn't marry, that they held hands and made out because it was what people were supposed to do. It bored her, and it kept her safe. Severus teased her about it, and she would just bite her lip and nod when in reality she wanted to scream at him, "I'm doing this for you! I'm doing this because it's what you want!" She managed to keep herself quiet, to not respond to his commentary on it, until he asked her if they were sleeping together.  
  
"I'm thirteen!"  
  
"So?" he replied coolly.  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her. "You certainly tried last year, and if I recall, you were twelve."  
  
She paused, and bit her lip. "I've always been precocious," she said, her voice raising almost as if it were a question.  
  
Severus snorted at this and nodded. "Come here," he said.  
  
She got up from her lab stool ungracefully, presuming he wanted to feed her yet another surprise potion.  
  
"No, not like that."  
  
She had raised her eyebrows at him then and gone back to her chair.  
  
"Now, come here, like the woman you think you are."  
  
Allosia slid off her chair again, this time with some grace, she ignored his chuckle and started computing things in her head very fast. She came to the conclusion that she was going to get hurt, if not now, then later, by whatever this was, she also came to the conclusion that she had to do this, whatever it was. She walked over to him, and stood by his stool, his legs on either side of her. He wrapped his arms, and therefor his robe around her then before lowering his head to hers.  
  
"Is this what you want?" he asked touching his forehead to hers and staring into her eyes with his nearly black ones. "Is this what you want?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"That's not enough, Allosia. Tell me what you want."  
  
She swallowed, and her voice was raspy. "You," she said. "Teach me -"  
  
He cut her off with "-how much you do not know?" and laughed, and began kissing her.  
  
Allosia Hemrand had, at age 13, lost her virginity to an 18-year-old Severus Snape. Twenty years later, as much as she could convince herself she had been stupid, she could not convince herself it had been more trouble than it had been worth, despite everything that came later.  
  
What she still remembered most, but was unsure of being fact was how much everything had hurt and how grateful he had seemed to her in the dark underground of Hogwarts that day.  
  
  
  
As the nearly tangible memory dissipated, Allosia tossed a green leather- bound photo album aside and began shelving her books with an emotion resembling fury. 


	3. stupid boy

"What!" Snape shouted in response to the knock at his door. It wasn't even a question, but the visitor creaked the door open anyway. Snape turned at his desk, but did not get up. "Dear God, Malfoy, can't your sucking up wait 'til tomorrow?"  
  
Malfoy smiled. "I just wanted to say hello, Sir, since I didn't get to what with you being late to the banquet and all."  
  
"Hello, Malfoy. Now get out. And do me the favour of going to visit every other professor to give them your greetings. Right. Now."  
  
"But, Sir, it's --"  
  
"Out, Malfoy," Snape replied in a velvety voice. He smiled to himself when he heard the door close. That boy. He was both boring and dangerous, and would probably loose Slytherin 50 points by morning if he bothered to follow instructions. His house would make that up in a week from Potions alone, and with any luck would take Malfoy down a peg.  
  
He turned back to the syllabi he was preparing and sighed. This was always the worst night of the year, waiting to see what new idiots he was going to have to teach. Although, one of the few benefits of the Weasleys, Potter, and that damned Granger and her ratty hair was that it would be very difficult for things to get much worse. Thank Merlin Neville Longbottom didn't have siblings.  
  
  
  
Snape crossed his rooms to pour himself a glass of wine. He studied the cabinet over his small bar as he did, noting the yearbooks from his years as a student. Setting the wine down, he pulled one out and brought it over to the table where he'd been working. He flipped past his own year quickly, there weren't many faces there he felt like remembering these days, and then perused the younger students. Eventually he found Allosia's picture, but could not bring himself to look directly at it, instead, being somewhat amused, and most definitely pained by what she had written there just before he had departed. "How much you do not know." She had only meant to be cruel, and at the time, he was merely embarrassed for her. Allosia had turned out to be right of course, although he did not know to what degree she was aware of that.  
  
Absently, he ran a finger along the edge of her picture, remembering the long hair she had had as a student. "Stupid girl," he said with some small malice, before slapping the book shut. "Stupid boy, too," he added before returning to his syllabi and glass of wine. 


	4. manners and clarity

I will not kill him. I will not lay into him in the hall. I'll just mention that we need to have a discussion, later, in private.  
  
Allosia rehearsed what she was going to say to him as she made her way towards Snape's classroom. Much to her surprise, she found McGonogall having a nasty confrontation with him in the hall.  
  
"No, Severus, I don't care what he did, nor do I care what your intent was. School has barely begun and not only are students prowling the halls at all hours, you're encouraging them. If I could take points from Slytherin for your behavior I would!"  
  
Allosia approached, her ire taking on a hint of amused curiosity. "I take it I wasn't the only professor with a late night visitor last night?"  
  
She had addressed the question to McGonogall, but Snape answered instead in his typical bored drawl. "Allosia, I wasn't particularly compelled by your delusions of uniqueness twenty years ago and I'm certainly not interested in them now."  
  
"Severus," McGonnogal began to chide.  
  
"Severus, I suggest you find some manners to go with your clarity," Allosia answered in a clipped voice before turning to McGonogall and adding "Good day, Minverva."  
  
As she walked away, her back painfully straight, Allosia saw Ron Weasley dash up the stairs so fast he almost fell on his face. With a sigh and shake of her head, she realized he had probably heard the whole ridiculous exchange and was now going to share it with all of Gryffindor.  
  
  
  
Allosia stalked into class late with a fury that quieted them before she had to even begin to explain just how poor of a day she was having. She slammed her books down on the desk, and immediately noticed that Malfoy had raised his head to smirk at her.  
  
"Just to be clear class, I'm normally quite nice, but we're not going to be getting off on the right foot today and let me assure you I've learned from the best when it comes to unpleasantness," she paused to see if there was any reaction. "Mr. Malfoy, do not even so much as think in my direction, or I'm taking points." At the sound of rustling from further back in the room, she turned and looked at Ron. "And not only do I not want to hear your opinion on that Mr. Weasley, I don't want to hear your opnion on anything else that happens today, either directly from you or from anyone you'd care to share it with, do I make myself clear?"  
  
At that she saw Harry turn to Hermione and mouth "WOW," but decided to let it go and proceeded directly into her lesson.  
  
"So, who wants to discuss Death Eaters?"  
  
Allosia realized as she went into the lesson, that while attempting to have a sense of humor, she probably merely sounded insane at this point. Not a good first day.  
  
She called on Hermione in vague hopes of her teaching the class for a bit, but the whole thing quickly digressed into an argument as to whether it was even technically possible for someone to be a former Death Eater, or if what was done was done.  
  
"Can people come back to the Light? Certainly they can and they do. Do I think their past choices cause permanent damage, color their souls in some way? In my work, this is what I've seen and this is something I would encourage you to consider, but I can't tell you it's a fact."  
  
Crabbe, of all people, piped up from the back, "Does this mean you think Snape's damaged?"  
  
"First of all Crabbe, I'm not here to do math for you. Secondly, it's Professor Snape. One point from Slytherin for not showing the proper respect towards faculty members. By next class I expect you all to turn in papers on your perceptions of these issues. This is not a test of your learning so much as I want to see how you're thinking about these topics. Dismissed!"  
  
Allosia slumped in her seat.  
  
"This sucks," she declared to the empty room. 


	5. cold

"I heard you made quite an impression today," Snape said as he spooned at his soup.  
  
"The scene in the hallway didn't help," Allosia responded curtly.  
  
"Actually, Draco told me about class,"  
  
"Draco?"  
  
"Malfoy."  
  
"Yes, I know that, I just didn't realize you were on a first name basis with your students."  
  
"I've known his father a long time."  
  
"I'm aware."  
  
"You know, you're awfully cold, Allosia, it's really a wonder I survived you."  
  
She reached for her water and refused to acknowledge him.  
  
Smiling then, "actually, it's a wonder anyone survives you."  
  
"Gage didn't."  
  
"Yes, I know that." His voice was pleased.  
  
Without looking at him she said, very quietly, "Despite what you may think, and what I may like, I'm not about to run out of here in tears, so you might as well shut up and finish your meal quickly so my presence won't further offend you."  
  
"That's alright, Dear, I think I'm actually going to retire to my rooms. I have a lot of work to do."  
  
And with that he excused himself from the teacher's table. Allosia let her head hang for a moment. How painfully unnecessary all of this was turning out to be.  
  
A few moments later the next course was in front of her, and Dumbledore was at her shoulder suggesting she join him for coffee later. 


	6. interesting times

"Please, call me Albus," Dumbledore said with a warm smile as he sat down.  
  
"Alright," Allosia nodded. She was nervous, nervous that this was about the scene in the hallway today, or her class with the 6th years, or specifically about her and Severus.  
  
As if reading her thoughts, which she realized was Dumbledore's typical mode, he said, "I know how difficult Severus can be, he's like this with everyone."  
  
Allosia gave him a look.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "Alright, I know you two have a complicated past. I do still remember things from time to time. It's difficult for him, to have you here."  
  
"Clearly."  
  
"You are a most tangible link to his past, Allosia, and to him, your first years here, probably seem like several lifetimes ago."  
  
"Don't they to everyone?"  
  
He smiled sadly then. "These have been interesting times."  
  
"I miss him, you know, somewhat."  
  
"But he's right here."  
  
"No, not really. I knew someone different than most everyone else."  
  
"You need to look closer, although, I realize, with all that hair and the cloak, it's a little challenging."  
  
At this, Allosia laughed.  
  
"Don't worry so much, especially about your classes."  
  
"I'm really sorry about that, it's just - "  
  
Dumbledore held his hand up and smiled. "Tomorrow is, I believe, another day."  
  
Allosia sighed, "One would hope,"  
  
"Have you spoken to Constance?"  
  
"Not since right after the funeral, no."  
  
"She doesn't blame you, you know."  
  
"I worry more that she blames Gage."  
  
"This was what he signed up for. As did you, as did her. This was a risk. You always knew that." Dumbledore leaned forward and patted her knee then. "You haven't grown tired of being the exception to the rules yet, have you?"  
  
"I suppose not."  
  
"Why don't you get some rest? I suspect you're going to need it."  
  
"Oh, good way to fill me with dread!" Allosia laughed then.  
  
Dumbledore just smiled. 


	7. late night snack

"Late night snack?"  
  
Severus jumped. "You startled me," he said quietly as he applied mustard to a sandwich.  
  
"It's not like you to let your guard down. Still brooding?"  
  
"I wasn't aware that I was brooding, Albus, I thought I was busy being really pissed off about Allosia being here."  
  
"You're brooding, trust me. Now what's good around here?" he asked, turning to a house elf, which began scurrying around to prepare a plate.  
  
"Would you have even told me she was coming?"  
  
"It probably would have slipped my mind. It was good of her to owl you."  
  
Snape made a face.  
  
"I really need you two to work this out, if not with each other, with yourselves."  
  
"Tell her that."  
  
"I have." He paused. "I know you've lost a lot, but Allosia isn't something you have to lose. She still wants to be your friend."  
  
"Do you know what I did to her?"  
  
"I know more about it than she does, Severus."  
  
"Oh. God," he said and passed a hand over his face.  
  
Dumbledore patted Snape's arm as the younger man tried not to flinch. "It's no reason to continue being awful to her."  
  
Snape just looked at him. "I have work to do, but thank you, really, for giving me a home here."  
  
Dubledore just waved his hand as if to say, it was nothing, and then nibbled on something from the plate the house elves had prepared for him. "You really should try this cheese, Severus, excellent, excellent." 


	8. everything, pt.1

Disclaimer and such:  
  
In which Severus and Allosia begin their first big confrontation. Angst and ugliness.  
  
As usual, he's not mine (pity that), but she is. Constructive and/or positive feedback welcome.  
  
--------------  
  
Allosia felt like she was walking to her execution. It didn't help that the halls struck her as both unnaturally quiet and unnaturally cold. She felt her heart reverberating in her chest and couldn't help muttering aloud to herself.  
  
Severus had been polite about the invitation at least, and she sensed she was as obligated to say yes as he had been to ask her. Coffee, in his rooms and here they were both adults, and all she could do was try to prepare herself for being told she was worthless for the next two hours.  
  
She knocked tentatively, and then took a step back from the door. He opened it wide, smiled, but wouldn't look directly at her, and motioned for her to come in. As he closed the door, she couldn't help but glance quickly around the room, trying to get a sense of the man he was now. Simple, solitary, probably far more brilliant than she had let herself realize when she was younger. While it was clear he didn't like himself, she was starting to understand just how much he did amuse himself. How could he not?  
  
"I -" he paused. "Thank you for coming."  
  
Allosia nodded.  
  
"Do you want to sit down?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, not yet, thanks." Allosia looked at the ground.  
  
Snape turned his back to her and began to pace. "I heard about your class the other day."  
  
"I know, you already mentioned it."  
  
"Crabbe told me what you said."  
  
"It wasn't meant as an insult."  
  
"But do you really believe that?"  
  
"Severus, look at your life."  
  
"Don't you remember me from when we were students? I'm not much different. Neither, I suppose are you."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean."  
  
"You don't know how to keep your counsel. You shouldn't be talking about other professors in class."  
  
"I wasn't."  
  
"Don't be disingenuous."  
  
"Must you act like this?"  
  
"Must you always insist on having the impossible?"  
  
"Don't do this." Allosia pressed her hand to her face. Suddenly, he grabbed her and slammed her into the wall, kissing her hard on the mouth. Allosia managed to push him away and then slapped him as hard as she could with her left hand. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She yelled.  
  
They stood there for a moment staring at each other. Her hand still raised, his mouth open with shock. She then found herself sliding down against the wall and crying, repeating, "what the fuck is wrong with you" over and over.  
  
"Oh, god. I'm sorry." He began to pace.  
  
"Severus? I don't belong to you anymore. You know that, right?"  
  
"I just though -"  
  
"You just didn't."  
  
"I don't want you to be scared of me." He ran his hand through his hair and heard her gasp. It took him a second to realize the gesture had pushed his robe up past his elbow, revealing the Death Eater brand he had had there since shortly after leaving Hogwarts. He looked from it to Allosia.  
  
"Did it hurt?"  
  
"Allosia, you don't want me to talk about this."  
  
"Did it hurt?" she asked again, more urgently, suddenly distracted from her tears.  
  
He looked down at the mark again and took a deep breath. "Yes, it hurt, a lot, more than anything I've ever experienced." He paused and swallowed. "And I enjoyed it, Allosia. It was and it remains, the most perfectly necessary sensation of my entire life. That's the punchline of all of it of course, that I needed it so much, that I was in fear of him, of Voldemort, of the pain and yet also addicted to it and to the possibility of what I thought we would all become." He began pacing again. "You've burned yourself, you've felt the Cruciatus, now imagine both, all the way to the bone, as an oath."  
  
"You can't remove it can you?"  
  
"No, but I wouldn't want to."  
  
"You still feel it, don't you?"  
  
"Yes, but that's not why."  
  
"And you're really not with them anymore?"  
  
"I'm really not with them anymore. Allosia -"  
  
"When?"  
  
"When what?" He was starting to get annoyed again.  
  
"When did it begin, how long did it take you to earn that?" She was practically spitting.  
  
"Please don't ask me these things."  
  
"Tell me."  
  
"I'm going to sit down now, may I offer you a seat or would you like to stay there on the floor?" He offered a hand to her, and she took it, climbing off the floor. He gestured to a large green chair and she climbed into it, pulling her knees up like a child. "Would you like a drink?"  
  
"Yes, thank you."  
  
"Promise you won't throw it at me?"  
  
"Yes, I promise." She almost smiled then, and it seemed to mean everything. 


	9. everything, pt. 2

Snape poured Allosia a glass of wine and passed it to her, before filling his own glass and bringing it and the bottle over to the chair opposite her. All his motions seemed deliberate, slow, and she realized he was stalling for time. He bent to place the bottle on the floor, and then leaned back in his own chair, throwing one leg over the arm. He took a sip of wine, swallowed and then ran his tongue over his lips quickly, to get the full bitterness of it. He smiled, slightly and sadly into the glass that he had perched delicately between the fingertips of both hands, and began.  
  
"I made the mistake of telling Malfoy, Lucius, about your crush. He laughed at me at first, gave me static about hanging out with mudbloods, which I then had to remind him you weren't. After he thought about it for a day or two he was angry at me for not having, had my way with you, I believe is how he put it. By Merlin, you were only a child. The prospect of hurting you appealed to him. The prospect of me doing it, appealed to him more. I don't know how well you've known Lucius, then or now, but he likes to watch, to encourage, to entice. Blood on his own hands is one thing, but if he can get someone else to lick it off." Snape trailed off then, and Allosia suspected he was remembering something very specific.  
  
"At any rate, he eventually let the subject drop. I managed to convince him that the time I spent with you wasn't up to me, he thought I'd done you enough of a disservice by pushing you towards Gage, and let it drop. There were a million other things he was up to at any given time. At any rate, by the beginning of 7th year we all needed to figure out what the hell we were going to do with ourselves after graduation. I'm not particularly suited to anything other than being an academic and at the time, I was appalled. The power of warping young minds obviously hadn't occurred to me. I wanted to spend time with my potions, make brilliant discoveries, write books and quite frankly be left alone by what appeared to be a world filled with beaurocrats and assholes." He paused for another sip of wine then; Allosia just continued to sit there, with her knees up, taking him and their history in.  
  
"Of course, things were not that simple, not ever, and not then. My mother was dead, as you know, my father was diligently trying not to choose sides on anything and Lucius kept warning me I was going to waste away as some pathetic teacher somewhere," Snape looked around the room then, with both sorrow and anger. "He had already chosen then, had become a Death Eater over the summer. I had been to a party his father had thrown shortly afterwards. He bought us all prostitutes. Mine didn't understand why I didn't hurt her more first, and eventually demanded I punch her, so the madam wouldn't think she'd hid from duty. They were not allowed to heal themselves until they got home. She had to taunt me and insult me until I could and then I liked it very much."  
  
Allosia took a big drink then, but would not look away from him. She kept telling herself, not to look away, to be as present as she could. He was looking into his glass as he continued.  
  
"That was the beginning of Lucius badgering me. Voldemort wasn't what I thought, I had this huge potential that wasn't going to be of any use in a world filled with laws designed to protect people too stupid to live. He seized on the things that plagued me, my weakness, my intolerance for the slowness of others, my lack of any real place in the world, and my health. Imagine if it could be better. Imagine if the asthma and the coughing fits and the scarring on my lungs were gone. Imagine if I could be a Quidditch star." His voice had grown bitter now. "He knew I was worthy he said, but I'd have to prove myself, many times. To his friends, to his father, his fathers friends, and eventually to Voldemort." He drained his glass and refilled it, sighing heavily.  
  
"And so, when we got into that stupid fight my last year, and I heard your anger, and I looked at you, this beautiful alien little creature and a dozen things clicked into place. I cared about you, which meant the path I was about to choose was going to put you at risk. I wanted you, and felt like if I went near you, after, I'd might as well be poisoning you, how could I touch you with hands that were about to live the life I did? And then I realized, this could be my first proof. I could take you, and love you, and tell Lucius I'd fucked you, show him the slightest bit of your blood on my fingers, and never talk to you again, and we'd be free of each other. It was for the best, I was sure of that." Snape stared at her for a long time, but she said nothing, merely holding the gaze, even as her eyes became rounder and sadder. "You were the first woman I was with who wasn't paid for it."  
  
Allosia was crying silently by then, opeing her mouth to speak, but with nothing coming out.  
  
"I couldn't have told you, I couldn't have warned you. You would have fought me, You had to go back to Gage."  
  
"I never told him."  
  
"Did you ever - "  
  
"Our sixth year, as he was drifting towards Constance, yes."  
  
Snape nodded. "Do you hate me yet?"  
  
"I won't give you the satisfaction of hearing that. I don't hate you. I am angry, and shocked, and repulsed and I think you were a greedy and awful child. A part of me would rather you had just raped me. My god, Severus, you cried. You cried. And even that was just all about you." She sighed. "Fuck, I am so angry. I just wish I had known."  
  
"Say what you need to say to me."  
  
"No. I know you'll enjoy it on some level, need it on some level. The things I need to say, need to be said to a Severus that doesn't exist anymore. I will not give you the satisfaction."  
  
The hardness in her voice grieved him and frightened him, and he didn't know what to say next, or how to say it.  
  
"Do you know why Gage died?" he asked.  
  
"I gave him faulty information. We both know all about that."  
  
"No, you don't. You gave him information, a tip on a Death Eater plot, someone he could arrest, foil the whole thing. The information was weak, you remember that, right?"  
  
"Yes. But I knew Kenia, trusted her."  
  
"And you gave the information to Gage, which he never ever would have acted upon if it hadn't been from you, right?"  
  
"Yes? But I don't understand."  
  
"It was misinformation. Intentional misinformation, a trap. Information that had Gage received from anyone else he would have ignored. The info was never supposed to go through you. I'm a spy for the ministry, you know that, I play both sides. I know the Death Eaters don't trust me anymore, but still it's enough, I have some sense of what's going on, of who is with him. I was asked to do something to prove my loyalty. I tried to do it in a way that would make it obvious it was a set-up, a trap, so that no one would act on it, no one killed. I'd be hurt, of course for blundering, I've been hurt before, I miss it when it's not on schedule it seems. But because I made a mistake, you got that information. You gave it to Gage, he trusted you, he died. You didn't make a mistake and kill Gage, I did."  
  
"Oh. Oh oh oh. No. I should have - "  
  
"You're an auror, you were doing your job, we were all doing our jobs. I fucked up. That's all."  
  
He ran his fingers through the front of his hair and left them their leaning his head into his palm, waiting.  
  
"I don't know what to say to you, Severus. I don't know what to say at all. I just don't know anymore. I feel like that little girl again, who was so in awe of you. But it's not love, not at all." She finished her wine then and Severus gestured to the bottle. She nodded and then both leaned forward in their chairs so he could pour her another glass.  
  
"When did you cut your hair?"  
  
It was an odd topic change, but Allosia understood the question. He was asking her when she had become this Allosia. "About five years ago. Just one day, I was someone else, this," she gestured to herself, "needed to catch up."  
  
"What has your life been like?"  
  
"You know my work, you know what that means. I've lost two other friends, on top of Gage. I have a flat in London. I almost got married once, I scared him off though. We had a dog. He took it when he left. I sing. I drink too much coffee. I dislike mornings unless I see them come on. I am still struggling with German. I don't know what else to tell you. I've become, or I had become, very still inside."  
  
Severus nodded, somber and amazed. "What was his name? What was he like?"  
  
"Black hair, bright blue eyes, smart, embarasingly sensual mouth. He's a chef. I wasn't the girl he had dreamed of as a child. Eventually, he decided he couldn't live with that. I was relieved though."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It seemed like someone else's life."  
  
Severus nodded again. "It's hard to picture."  
  
"For me too, now. It was a long time ago." She smiled whistfully. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"It's a bit awful."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"Did you kill a lot?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Did you like it?"  
  
"For a time."  
  
"Did he, Voldemort, did he keep his promises?"  
  
"After a fashion."  
  
"Be careful what you wish for?"  
  
"Yes, exactly."  
  
"Will you tell me about it?"  
  
"Not tonight, not now, not yet. I'm so tired."  
  
"Oh, gods, it's late, do you want me to go?" she asked, starting.  
  
"No, no it's fine, just, it's a large burden. Please, stay, it's pleasant having you here, I just can't tell you those things right now."  
  
"Alright." She paused. "May I see it?"  
  
"The mark?" he asked already beginning to push his robe back.  
  
She nodded. He leaned forward across the space between them and held his arm out. She stared at it for a time, and then touched it gingerly. When he made no protest, she traced it slowly, eventually looking at him to see a look of extreme concentration on his face. "I'm sorry, am I hurting you?"  
  
"It's alright."  
  
She continued the trace, until done, and then he drew his arm back and covered it without looking. "I've never seen one, that close, on someone who was still alive."  
  
"There are so many people I would trade places with," he said shaking his head.  
  
"Don't. You can't. Things have their reasons."  
  
"Not good ones, Allosia, not good ones." 


	10. waiting

They sat for hours in companionable silence, finishing their wine and occasionally asking each other about the twenty years they had spent as strangers. Both tried to keep the questions light after Snape's earlier confessions, but there were many minefields.  
  
"It's close to morning, you know,"  
  
"How can you tell, down here?"  
  
He shrugged and smiled slightly.  
  
She stretched and stood. "We should both get a little rest."  
  
"Yes," he said standing, to walk her to the door. "Thank you, by the way."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Wanting answers, even difficult ones."  
  
She nodded. How very like Severus. He held the door for her, and she rushed through it before turning and mouthing good night at him. He closed the door then and leaned against it pondering over both the relief and worry the night had left him with. Attributing some of it to the wine, he headed for bed, he could still get two hours of sleep before he had to put in an appearance at breakfast.  
  
  
  
The first several days after their all-nighter were hard. She wasn't used to this level of sleep deprivation coupled with alcohol, and it took her a good 48 hours to be fully functional. Snape, on the other hand seemed fine although unusually subdued. They would nod at each other in the halls, or say hello at meals, but that was it. Without the wine and the shock of it all, the things they had told each other were harder to accept. She was angry, but knew it was pointless and he was just ashamed  
  
On Friday, the meal began as usual. He was late, professors and students alike tried to conceal their cringe when he did finally appear and sat down without much more than a nod to everyone. Allosia had just turned to him to ask about his weekend plans when she saw him grimace and tense.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Recovering, he looked at her in a very directed fashion, hoping his meaning would be clear. "I need to go," he said slowly and softly. "Tell Albus." As he pushed away from the table, she saw that he was holding his arm, where the mark was. When she looked down at the students, she quickly picked out Potter, rubbing his forehead and being clustered around by Ron and Hermione.  
  
Allosia didn't feel hungry anymore.  
  
  
  
When she told Albus, he nodded and patted her hand, thanking her. When she looked at him for more, he told her they would just need to wait, that Snape would probably be back by morning, that he would be alright, really.  
  
With no immediate crisis but a mountain of anxiety, Allosia went immediately to her rooms after dinner, lay on her bed, stared at the ceiling and waited.  
  
After about an hour the numbness began to wear off and she began to pace, thinking all sorts of possibilities through in her mind. Shortly after 1 AM, she left her rooms and decided to go down to the dungeons to see if he had gotten back yet.  
  
She walked quietly, not wanting to be seen, not wanting to have to explain her somewhat peculiar and self absorbed concern. Since Gage, Allosia was terrified of more death happening around her.  
  
As she rounded a corner, she was startled to see Draco Malfoy roaming the halls with the same nervousness.  
  
"Do you want to tell me what you're doing out here before I take points?"  
  
He shrugged, unclear if he should bother.  
  
"Make an attempt Mr. Malfoy, I assure you, it's in your best interest."  
  
"Looking for Professor Snape, Ma'am."  
  
"Do you need a teacher for something at this hour? Is there a problem?"  
  
"Nothing you need to concern yourself over."  
  
"30 points, Malfoy."  
  
He nodded and began to walk back towards the Slytherin dorms.  
  
"I did not dismiss you and I do not trust you. I'll walk you back to your tower myself."  
  
Allosia was secretly grateful to Malfoy for being out and about. One question was answered.  
  
After depositing the Slytherin where he belonged, Allosia headed outside. She sat herself down on one of the low stone walls along the stairs leading up to Hogwarts, folded her cloak around her and waited.  
  
The night air calmed her, and she barely noticed when McGonogall sat down beside her.  
  
"Can't sleep?" the older woman asked.  
  
Allosia nodded.  
  
"It's hard, on these nights," she said nodding. "I think we'll be alright though. If we were in immediate danger Potter's scar would have been causing him enough trouble that he'd mention it."  
  
Allosia nodded again.  
  
Allosia's lack of response clicked in McGonogall's head. "Are you worried about Severus?" she asked, a slight bit of incredulity still tingeing her voice.  
  
"I've known him since I was eleven, Minerva. We had a long talk the other day. I still want to kill him, but he is after a sort, a friend."  
  
This time it was McGonogall's turn to nod. It was clear she was contemplating Allosia's answer and found it valid, if not surprising. "You shouldn't wait up for him."  
  
Allosia raised her eyebrows.  
  
"He won't be back until nearly dawn. Assuming," she said rising, "he's able to come back tonight."  
  
Allosia looked horrified.  
  
"I am not trying to frighten you. I'm just saying, there may be a reason he was summoned at the start of a weekend. Good night, dear."  
  
Allosia smiled weakly at McGonogall in response, and then turned her head back towards the field and the Forbidden Forest in the distance. When morning finally came, she went back to her rooms to sleep. 


	11. flying

Snape opened his eyes gradually, grateful for the darkness. He took a deep breath, as slowly as possible, letting it out in defeat when he felt the sharp pain of obviously broken ribs. Slowly, he forced himself to alertness and brought his concentration over each part of his body, mentally checking for significant wounds. Other than the ribs, pain in his chest from being out in the cold all night, and a pervasive lingering soreness, he realized that he was probably fine.  
  
If he had been home already, he'd count his blessings and consider himself to have gotten off easy. But he wasn't home and the punishments administered to him the other night had only been from Lucius Malfoy, for not telling him about Allosia's return to Hogwarts.  
  
Snape hadn't even understood why it was an issue. It's not like he hadn't been previously informed by Dumbledore. The bastard was on the Hogwarts board of governors after all. But Lucius was bored and drunk and Snape had always been a favorite plaything for his agressions and the potions master knew it could be much worse.  
  
He considered his bed and looked around the dim room. A guest room. He doubted he could move freely about the house, but if he were a prisoner of either Lucius or Voldemort he knew his prison would have been far more obvious. They both had a certain sense of decorum about these things.  
  
He eased himself into a sitting position, grimacing. Better that he do this now, be ready to move, show as little pain as possible. It would give him better odds for getting out of this mess in one piece.  
  
  
  
Allosia circled once, and then swooped down, landing her broom in a short run.  
  
"Headmaster."  
  
"Albus, please," he reminded her.  
  
She smiled. "Of course, it's hard to remember sometimes."  
  
"For me too. I remember when you and Severus used to sneak out here."  
  
"You knew about that?" she asked incredulously  
  
"Of course," he smiled, and looked at the ground for a moment. "I used to watch you two from the Astronomy tower, silently laughing and chasing each other."  
  
"Exaudio."  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
"Why didn't you ever say anything, we were breaking a ton of rules."  
  
"You seemed happy, Severus was getting exercise. Most of my job, most of anyone's job, Allosia, is learning what to let go." He paused then. "I remember when you started coming out here alone."  
  
Allosia nodded again. "That was very hard on me. Knowing more about it now, it's still very hard on me."  
  
"With good reason. Severus has made many of his most terrible and interesting choices when it comes to you."  
  
"He's told you then," she said trying her best not to sound ashamed.  
  
"Not much escapes me, child," he said clapping her on the back, "but yes, we've discussed it."  
  
She nodded and swallowed, feeling at ease walking with the older man, who had been such a beloved figure of her childhood.  
  
"You know, he won't be home tonight."  
  
Allosia turned sharply then, bit her lip and nodded.  
  
"Tomorrow, I expect, and if not, then I too will join you in worrying out here."  
  
"I'm going to fly some more, if you don't mind, Albus."  
  
"Not at all, you still laugh softly," he smiled and turned then, to walk back to the castle, but he paused for a moment and said, "good night, Allosia."  
  
"Goodnight Headmaster," she said softly as she took to the air, remembering all those nights flying where the delicate dark-haired boy chased her stream of black curls. They never spoke of it during the day, not even to plan really. She suspected it took too much out of him, to really think about the joy the air and the activity gave him. He was so afraid, she remembered, to give into it. It made her angry then and sad now. Because it was no doubt the flaw that kept him alive. 


	12. persistance of memory

Sunday. Today was Sunday, and while her sleep schedule was off, Allosia actually found herself feeling better. She belonged at Hogwarts regardless of her rocky starts both then and now. Flying and talking to Dumbledore had reminded her of that.  
  
She took it on faith, because it was the only currency she had, that Snape would return this evening, that he would be alright and even somewhat satisfied in his continued role as a secret and necessary hero. She suspected they would always snarl at each other in the halls, but that every few weeks they would drink too much and reminisce about their pasts.  
  
And so Allosia went through her Sunday tired, but hopeful, believing that her construction of the world would make it so, but anyone who wasn't trying to ignore it, as she was, could see, that the energy was all nervous.  
  
  
  
Snape moaned hoarsely. He could no longer remember when he had given up screaming. It might have been hours, and it might have been minutes ago. He knew that everything hurt, and that while Voldemort had no intention of killing him this time, he might, very well by accident.  
  
"I know you think you have no choice to disobey me from time to time, Severus, to keep up your charade. But it doesn't make it acceptable. You are so very smart, you should understand that," came Voldemort's hissing voice.  
  
Snape wouldn't have dared look at him even if he could find a way to raise his head. "Yes, my lord," he choked out, only to hear Voldemort laugh.  
  
"It seems the potions master still knows who his master is."  
  
Snape winced inwardly at that, a small barb, but hitting far too many places at once. He wondered, absently at the source of the blood taste in his mouth before briefly losing consciousness only to be awakened again by the Cruciatus. He absently wondered how he was going to teach tomorrow before fixing on an odd memory to hold him through the pain. Every nerve was so alert in the throws of the unforgivable curse that he somehow was able to feel the exact texture of Allosia's hair leaving his hand twenty years ago. And at that he laughed, softly and bitterly through his tears and blood.  
  
Lucius Malfoy leaned his head against that of Goyle and whispered, "He always does that eventually. I suspect he likes it." Malfoy smiled then, and ran his fingers over his lips in blatantly sensual thought.  
  
  
  
Albus Dumbledore watched Allosia Hemrand's mood deteriorate over dinner. She went from almost giddy to sullen and nervous over the course of an hour and a half, but at least she didn't excuse herself from the table, and he was glad of that. Community is all there was in times like these.  
  
He touched her shoulder, gently as dessert was finishing up. "Would you like company," and when she looked at him blankly he added, "waiting."  
  
She nodded then, and he leaned down to whisper to her. "I have some things to do, but then I'll bring us some hot chocolate."  
  
Allosia turned and smiled again. She silently blessed Hogwarts for never changing.  
  
  
  
"I must confess some amazement at how quickly you two have patched things up," Dumbledore said, but it was clear his intent was to pry.  
  
"Well, we haven't actually. We spoke at length, because it was getting ridiculous. It was actually really awful." She turned her head to look at him then. "I wound up slapping him."  
  
Dumbledore had the decency to look shocked instead of amused. "May I ask why?"  
  
"It's best that you didn't. And then he explained to me, everything I didn't have it in me to figure out as a child. I was so young, it scares me."  
  
"He was very young too, Allosia."  
  
"He didn't seem it. I can't imagine him being as lost and foolhardy as I was."  
  
"I knew him as a first year, I can assure you, Severus was once in fact something recognizable as a child."  
  
Allosia smiled, but it was weak. "So then he asked me about my life, of which there was pathetically little to tell, and then we sat there quietly, drinking, most of the night."  
  
"Did he tell you about Gage?"  
  
"Yeah. It makes it worse somehow. I feel like I've hurt them both now."  
  
Dumbledore signed audibly, his was of telling her she was being foolish without having to say it.  
  
They sat in silence for a long time afterwards, until an owl dropped a note into Dumbledore's lap. He looked at it gravely and then turned to Allosia. "I need to go attend to this, but if you need anything, I am here for you."  
  
She looked alarmed.  
  
"It's not about Severus. I will tell you, if I hear anything." And with that he turned, and walked back to the castle.  
  
For the second time in as many days, Allosia whispered, "good night, Headmaster," and gathered her robes around her to wait. 


	13. home again

Allosia's eyes suddenly registered him in the distance, walking towards the castle. He was slow, and in pain, but she resisted the urge to run to him. She imagined he would be embarrassed and she didn't have it in her to fight with him about her concern just now.  
  
She sighed with relief, and willed herself to stillness, until she saw him bend over and heave, before collapsing into a sitting position on the ground.  
  
Allosia was up and running towards him then, without thinking.  
  
"Severus," she panted as she came to a stop.  
  
"Allosia." His tone was dry, hoarse, even angry and then he shuddered.  
  
His condition began to register to her then. Trouble breathing, unable to stand, blood around his mouth, the shaking. "What?" was all she was able to get out.  
  
His answer was halting. "Voldemort, at least two broken ribs, I'm presume I'm in shock, not sure what else," then he paused, regaining himself for a moment. "Crucio, of course."  
  
Snape met her eyes at that, and Allosia shuddered. "Let me get you to Pomfrey."  
  
"No. Too public. My rooms, just, I need to be home." Each word was a struggle.  
  
"Can you stand?"  
  
"Well, I don't expect you to carry me. Give me you arm."  
  
It was his self-possession that frightened her the most. What would he have done had she not been sitting out here?.Allosia did her best to help him up, and then just kept muttering to him softly, to go slowly, to not make things worse. She didn't know if his grimace was a reaction to the obvious pain he was in, or her concern.  
  
  
  
When they got to his rooms, he stopped, in the doorway.  
  
"Allosia," he paused, swallowed and winced.  
  
"What do you need me to do?" She was proud of herself, for finding a way to offer help without giving him much opportunity to reject it.  
  
He nodded, as if he understood her calculation, and she felt an old familiar respect creep over her.  
  
"First," he said, turning to her with some bemusement, "help me to bed. I need to lie down. Then, I will give you tasks."  
  
She smiled at the memory of experiments, bitter potions and her then child's body serving as a map of his intellect. Allosia nodded, guiding him into the room, pausing to close the door and then manouvering him around furniture and walls to his sleeping alcove.  
  
A small part of her could not help but be charmed, by the double bed and its thick blankets in multiple jewel tones, the stack of books on the nightstand and the shelves of more tomes, rising behind it. It looked comfortable, and she certainly never thought of Snape as comfortable.  
  
"Thank you," he said, sitting down, leaning against the worn, brown leather, padded headboard and closing his eyes.  
  
She stood waiting, aware that he posture would seem awkward if she thought of it, but the moment seemed to require her stillness.  
  
He opened his eyes then, and smiled at her, but it was not kindly.  
  
"Most of what I need should be in the store room, by my office. There's a shortcut, next to the bar, I'll give you the sequence."  
  
She nodded and he began his list to her, pausing only to verify she was capable of remembering it all. He saw her start when he mentioned wormwood and asphodel.  
  
"Dreamless sleep is not enough when you have sold your dreams. Really, my dear," he smiled mockingly, and while it was clearly directed at himself, it was also clear, that he expected her to know better. When he closed his eyes again, she took it as a dismissal, and went to retrieve what was clearly needed. 


	14. recovery

Disclaimer and notes:  
  
As ever, everything in this story but Allosia and a few clever turns of phrase belongs to JKR.  
  
This isn't beta'd or anything like that, so please do forgive the occasional typo.  
  
For those of you who have asked, yes, there will be more romance soon, I've even figured out how to get there, but you have to be patient, these two are neurotic and I love the angst of people dancing around each other anyway. Remember, someone's hand hovering mere millimeters over your skin is almost always more erotic than actually being touched. I swear.  
  
As always, read, review, enjoy, lalala.  
  
---------------------  
  
Allosia carried the box of potions carefully, trying not to rattle them against each other. While Snape was surely still awake, she didn't want to jar him.  
  
"I've brought everything."  
  
"Yes, yes," impatiently. "Bring it here."  
  
She had hesitated only to give him some privacy, but as she came around the corner she realized he hadn't moved in the time she'd been gone.  
  
"Sit," his voice was still weak, but its tone as an order was unmistakable, and so Allosia sat uncomfortably on the edge of the bed, the box of potions on her lap. As Snape named them, she passed them to him, watching with increasing awe as he downed one foul mixture after another.  
  
Eventually he raised his head and looked at her. "Practice," he said, with a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth.  
  
"Is there -- ?" She started to ask, as he set down the wormwood and asphodel on his night stand.  
  
"You can go," he said coldly.  
  
"It was an offer to do something Severus, not a request to leave."  
  
"Excuse me if I'm not in command of my manners right now, Allosia. I've spent the better part of my weekend as a pain puppet."  
  
She was silent.  
  
"Allosia," he said kindly.  
  
"What?" she snapped, turning, only to see him holding his hand out to her. She took it, and he squeezed.  
  
"Thank you. Your generosity tonight has been immense, and I hate to make further demands on it,"  
  
"But?" she smiled this.  
  
"I would like, more than anything to bathe and then find my way to bed. Unfortunately, I'm somewhat concerned about passing out. Would you mind," he paused embarrassed. "Waiting in the sitting room? If I don't emerge in twenty minutes, I suppose you could come see if I've drowned."  
  
"Yes, of course," she said getting up quickly.  
  
"Thank you," he said, rising.  
  
  
  
Allosia took the same chair she had sat in during their first discussion, and found herself curling up the same way after lighting a fire in the hearth. She sat there, immensely grateful for the first intersection of physical and emotional quiet she had, had in days.  
  
She looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening. Snape leaned in the doorway, wet, bedraggled and wrapped in a voluminous black bathrobe.  
  
"I didn't die. I'm going to bed now, as I have classes to teach in a few hours, I suggest you get some rest as well."  
  
Allosia stood. "You can't possibly be intending to teach tomorrow."  
  
"I have little choice unless I feel like enduring more of the same for such a petty fucking reason." At that his shoulders sagged and he turned, disappearing behind the way to find his bed.  
  
"Goodnight Severus," She said to the wall.  
  
"Goodnight Allosia," Came his voice from the other side of it, followed by the rustling sounds of someone burying themselves under blankets.  
  
Allosia took her leave as efficiently as she could manage. 


	15. playing

Allosia dabbed at the eggs with her toast and took another bite. She smiled when she saw Snape in the doorway, and watched him with interest as he made his way slowly, even gingerly, to the teachers' table.  
  
She marveled at how practiced he was, gazing over the students with his typical hostility stopping here and there to chasten or harass. It was just enough to keep him from having to move more quickly than he was capable of after the weekend's events.  
  
She caught his eye and nodded. He made a noncommittal face, but made his way towards his customary seat beside her anyway.  
  
"Miss Hemrand," he said in a low voice, leading Allosia to raise her eyebrows. "It amazes me, for someone who has made a career fighting the Dark Arts that you find it so hard to function after all all-nighter."  
  
"Actually, Severus," and here, she put a condescending, but gleeful smile into his name, "what amazes me, is that for a teacher, I don't have more patience for mornings. But then, you don't even have patience for the students."  
  
"You are pleased with yourself, aren't you?" he asked.  
  
She sensed him bristling. "Just playing, Sev, just playing."  
  
It was his turn to raise his eyebrows then, but didn't respond further, turning his attention to the food he was still far too nauseous to partake in.  
  
"Oh, by the way, Malfoy was looking for you over the weekend."  
  
Snape started at this. "Oh, you mean Draco," he said, his voice flat.  
  
"Yeah." Pause. "Sorry."  
  
He titled his head slightly, as if to dismiss the apology. "Why on earth was he asking you about my whereabouts?"  
  
"Oh, he wasn't, I ran into him, in the halls, in the middle of the night. I took 30 points and walked him back to the dormitories once he made it clear that his errand was specific to you."  
  
Snape sighed. "He's amazingly stupid sometimes, even for a maggot."  
  
Allosia's mouth quirked in curiosity and she had to suppress a laugh as Snape exhaled with great impatience and then winced. The ribs must still be bothering him.  
  
"He saw me leave the way I did, and saw Potter fidgeting with that damn scar of his. No doubt he presumed my destination and was showing concern over his charming father."  
  
"He knows?"  
  
"Where my loyalties appear to lay? Yes. What did you think?"  
  
Allosia rolled her eyes. "Clearly I didn't."  
  
They finished the meal in silence. 


	16. invitation

Life at Hogwarts soon fell into something resembling a routine. Snape and Allosia groused at each other over meals while students learned that her temper, while less arbitrary than his, was just as bad. And while Ron Weasley had managed to hunt down a number of photos from her years as a student, no one seemed to know anything about her past with Snape other than Dumbledore, not that this stopped Madam Hooch from teasing her about the odd friendship they clearly had. It almost made Allosia wonder if they had a bit of a past too.  
  
At night, when she couldn't sleep, she continued to fly. These hours in the air had, in their way, become her personal office hours, at least amongst the faculty. If someone wanted to talk to her, this was where they sought her out. Occasionally, her stealthy passage above the grounds caused her to catch students at their usual mischief. Remembering Dumbledore's opinion on it, she as often as not let it go, but it depended heavily on who the culprit was.  
  
Draco Malfoy loudly molesting a seemingly willing fellow-Slytherin was one of the indiscretions Allosia chose not to overlook. She had been awed by Malfoy's audacity.  
  
"You're Ravenclaw, right?" he asked as if she were a peer.  
  
"I am."  
  
"Then why don't you go harass," he paused, "a Hufflepuff, or something?"  
  
"Because it's boring," she said dryly. "At any rate, that will be fifty points from you, and sixty from your plaything. She should have better taste." Allosia knew it was cruel, but she couldn't help but find it funny. "Next time, have the decency to hide somewhere in the castle. You'll be far less likely to get caught."  
  
At the next day's breakfast, Snape, while lamenting the large number of points she had taken from his house, couldn't help but acknowledge that she had done it with some flair. He also confessed a relief at not having stumbled on that scene. "There are simply some things I don't want to imagine, much less see," he said with a shudder.  
  
She laughed outright at this, but was quickly silence by a well-placed glare.  
  
"What were you doing out there anyway?" he asked.  
  
"Letting off steam," she said, quickly adding "flying," when she saw the quirk of his mouth.  
  
He lowered his head then and turned away. "I remember," he said very softly.  
  
"You're welcome, you know, to join me, if you want," she said, trying to sound normal about it.  
  
"I'll think about it, Allosia."  
  
She nodded. "Of course." 


	17. the chase

Allosia was disappointed, but not surprised when Snape did not join her that evening in her nightly routine. By the third night, she even found she had stopped looking for him. It wasn't so much that she had given up, more that she had decided the behavior was just embarrassing. Plus squinting at the ground wasn't the best thing for anyone's flying.  
  
She wasn't a Quidditch player. Quite frankly, the damn bludgers scared her half to death, having gotten whacked in the head, and off her broom, a few times as a kid. But she liked flying and the faster and more acrobatic she could be about it, the happier she was. As a student, she had even memorized some wand patterns by drawing them in flight.  
  
She climbed into the air somewhat slowly, with the intent of practicing some corkscrews, when something large flew past her, very fast and very close. Startled, she leaned off in the other direction, trying to get a look. It hadn't had the same idea though, having circled back, it came up against her right side again and then turned sharply enough to turn her around with it before zooming off again.  
  
"Damn!" she hissed. And then she heard his rather obnoxious laughter.  
  
Had she been on the ground, she would have put her hands on her hips and glared at him, but they were airborne and he was laughing at her. While Snape may have looked imposing in the air with his ridiculously voluminous cape, this was not a game he got to win, not against her. After all, it was one of the few things she had taught him.  
  
With that thought, she turned began to pursue him. Hoping to second guess him, she moved with sharp turns and dove quickly out of his way when she suddenly realized she was the one being chased. She stopped her laughter and concentrated on him circling above her, trying to get a sense of his pattern and plan. After studying his motions for a few seconds, she rose abruptly, with the intent of brushing him out of the way as he had her when this started.  
  
Allosia hadn't expected Snape to jerk his broom to the left though, or for it to cause his cloak to billow out at his side. She flew straight into the heavy fabric and promptly found that she was holding her broom instead of riding it.  
  
"Shit!" she exclaimed. He kept laughing, but she also felt his arm reaching for her, as he slowed his broom and began to descend. About five feet off the ground, they gave up and fell the rest of the way, both of them out of breath and screeching with laughter.  
  
Snape composed himself first, looking across several feet of his ripped cloak at her. "I'd say we're both out of practice."  
  
Allosia moved to sit up and then promptly decided against it, letting herself fall back against the thick damp grass. "I didn't think you still did things like this."  
  
"I had to wait until you were unprepared."  
  
"I'm never unprepared, Severus."  
  
He raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Sorry about your cloak."  
  
"It'll mend."  
  
"So when was the last time you did this?"  
  
"I'm not telling you that." He sounded embarrassed in addition to out of breath.  
  
"I was right!" Allosia sat up with a stifled giggle.  
  
"Oh, please, not more misguided insights. Don't you think my students are enough torture?"  
  
Allosia was laughing now.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You and Hooch!"  
  
Snape glared.  
  
"Just tell me I'm right."  
  
"No."  
  
"No, I'm not right or no you won't tell me?"  
  
"Allosia, you're being absurd."  
  
"Just tell me, and I swear I'll never mention it again."  
  
"Yes, you're right. It was several years ago and I don't want to talk about it and if you persist on the subject I will not hesitate to use Obliviate on you."  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"Wouldn't I?" There was menace in the question, as well as sadness. He sighed, and looked up at the sky. "Allosia?" he said, turning his head to her again.  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Come here."  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him, but then sat up and slid across the grass, until she was within arms reach of him.  
  
"Graceful as ever," he said, sarcasm fully in evidence. He reached out and touched her face very lightly. "I've missed you."  
  
Allosia took his hand, and placed it on the ground between them. She squeezed it and smiled, before letting go. "Don't look so hurt Severus, I still have points to make up," she said, grabbing her broom and rising into the air again.  
  
He sat up, shaking his head, fully determined to chase after her. Even, if with the shorter hair, she was much harder to catch these days. 


	18. a secret chord

Disclaimer and notes:  
  
All things not Allosia, belong to JKR, except:  
  
The song is Hallelujah, by Leonard Cohen. If you want to hear it, I suggest you find the Jeff Buckley version of it, which inspired its appearance in this story (it will appear again, btw).  
  
I know, we've been very cute for the last couple of chapters. But I just had angsty inspiration - so -- more angst, more romance, more drama! Not in this installment,but coming soon.  
  
Please, read, review, tell your friends. Blah blah blah.  
  
------------------------  
  
  
  
"Allosia," Snape panted, "just, stop, I've got to catch my breath."  
  
They had just crashed to the ground for the third time and she was insisting on continuing the game.  
  
"Sorry, are you okay?" she asked, trying to seem more out of breath than she was.  
  
"I know you're fine, so don't do that." He was annoyed.  
  
Allosia turned away then and began pacing as she listened to him trying to get his air back. While she had known it would happen eventually, it still made her sad. Her gracelessness about it didn't help. She began to hum.  
  
"What's that?" he asked.  
  
"A song."  
  
He made a face her back couldn't see and in the silence, she began to sing, "Once there was a secret chord / That David played and it pleased the Lord / But you don't really care for music do you?"  
  
She turned then and smiled at him strangely.  
  
"Your voice," he said, "is different than I would have thought."  
  
"Loud for a little thing, aren't I?"  
  
"That part I knew."  
  
She made a face, but decided to let the remark pass. "You want to call it a night?"  
  
"Probably wise."  
  
She reached her arm out to help him up. "I'm glad you decided to join me."  
  
"Thank you for extending the invitation."  
  
The walked in silence back to the castle. Just inside the doors, they stopped.  
  
"Do you want to come by for a drink," Snape asked her.  
  
"I don't think I should,"  
  
He looked amused. "Are you sure about that?"  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"Allosia, you're clinging to the front of my robes."  
  
And so she was, in a strange half gesture that made it clear she was trying not to lean into him but wanted to.  
  
"Oh," she said, and flattened her hands against his chest. "Is this better?"  
  
"Come for a drink," he said very softly, dipping his head so that he breathed the words against her ear.  
  
"I can't," she said, but it was almost a question. She stepped back from him then. "Goodnight, Severus."  
  
He bowed slightly at her and smiled, somewhere between cruel and sly. "Goodnight, Miss Hemrand."  
  
She watched him turn and walk away, realizing by his step, that he was amused more than anything else. 


	19. caught

"You are going to have the decency to warn them that the whole school heard them carousing out there, aren't you Albus?" McGonagall asked Dumbedore.  
  
"Now, now Minerva. It wasn't that bad."  
  
"It certainly kept me awake."  
  
"You didn't find it charming?"  
  
"Severus Snape cavorting outside my window in the middle of the night could never, ever possibly be charming."  
  
"You really should be a little easier on him, Minerva."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because we both know, you, correctly, think that he's a decent fellow --"  
  
"Under that attitude," she said somewhat sulkily.  
  
"And no, I'm not going to warn them. They're adults, if their actions have consequences beyond your wrath, I'm sure they can handle it. But I also presume the rest of the school was asleep."  
  
"What is going on with them anyway?" She asked with a bit of a gleam in her eye.  
  
"Something that's probably less obvious to them than it is to us."  
  
"Don't be so sure about that, Albus."  
  
He chuckled and then followed McGonogall's gaze with his own as Allosia strode into the hall with obvious enthusiasm.  
  
"She certainly seems more, awake, than usual," he said.  
  
McGonogall just nodded.  
  
  
  
"So, what are you doing with Hemrand?" Draco Malfoy asked, sidling up to Snape as they walked down the hall.  
  
Snape stopped. "Has it ever occurred to you, for even a moment, that you are a student here and that I, and the other professors all deserve some degree of respect and courtesy, even if," he dropped his voice before continuing, "some of them aren't up to any wizarding standard either of us would approve of?"  
  
"Sorry, sir, it's just, well I saw you two last night,"  
  
"What do you think you saw, Draco?" Snape's voice was getting deadlier.  
  
"Outside, flying around, hell, flirting with each other, I can only presume what happened later."  
  
Snape grabbed Draco by the shoulders and pushed him into a wall. "First, you will make no such presumptions. Second, would you do us all a favour and think for a change? I've known Hemrand since I was 15, she's an auror," he paused to let it sink in. "Think!"  
  
Draco made a big show of his sudden comprehension. "You're making her trust you, for purposes not obvious or beneficial to her cause?"  
  
"Very good. Now don't mention this again. Not to me, not to her, and not to your little cronies. If it comes up with anyone else, I'll deal with it. You, need to watch and learn. You're a Malfoy, for Merlin's sake, start acting like one."  
  
Draco swallowed. "Of course, Sir."  
  
"Now get out of my sight."  
  
Snape let out an audible sigh as Draco ran away. Breakfast. Allosia was not going to be happy about this.  
  
  
  
Severus Snape stalked into the hall with an impressive fury. McGonogall gave Dumbledore an "I told you so" look while everyone else just studiously ignored him.  
  
He sat down noisily and leaned over to Allosia, whispering, "Draco saw us last night."  
  
Allosia, startled whipped her head around so fast that her face collided with Snape's. She squeaked and jumped back, covering her mouth with her hand; he just snarled.  
  
"You need to get your reflexes under control," he said.  
  
She lowered her hand and reached for her tea.  
  
"I've dealt with it, but if anyone mentions it to you tell them it was an illusion and threaten the pranksters. Act like you suspect the Weasley's."  
  
"They're not that talented."  
  
"Just do as I say, and the problem will go away, alright?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"And no, I am not angry with you," he said with great hostility.  
  
He turned to the table then and they finished the meal in silence. 


	20. theorizing

"Harry, for the last time, it wasn't me!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
"You're just worried he's going to actually kill you this time."  
  
Ron sighed.  
  
"I think he's telling the truth Harry," said Hermione with a sly smile.  
  
Harry turned to her slowly. "It was you?"  
  
Ron turned to stare at her too, his eyes getting wider and wider.  
  
"No, you idiots!" Hermione let her hand drop to the table and sighed. Then she leaned over to them. Sensing a secret the boys leaned in. "I don't think it was an illusion. I think they were really out there," she said with a wicked gossipy grin.  
  
"Oh, no way! Why would she want him?" said Ron rather loudly.  
  
Harry shushed him and looked nervously at the teachers' table to see if Snape was watching them. He seemed oblivious, picking joylessly at his lunch.  
  
"Ron, I realize this may be hard for you to understand, as a boy," Hermione emphasized the word to indicate she considered him not nearly as sophisticated as herself, "but women are attracted to charisma and power. It is not, inconceivable, that a woman would find Snape, compelling."  
  
"You have got to be joking me." Ron rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hey, maybe Hermione's right. After all, she has that crush on him," Harry said with a poorly stifled giggle.  
  
"I do not! I just appreciate his intellect."  
  
"Mmm-Hmmm." Harry nodded knowingly, in hopes that she would embarrass herself further.  
  
"Stop. I don't want to know about this. Either one of you. It's just icky," said Ron looking between them.  
  
"I think it's sweet."  
  
Ron and Harry just gaped at her.  
  
"Think about it, maybe she can do something about that temper of his," Hermione said.  
  
"I wouldn't count on it," said Ron.  
  
"I still think it should be a prank," Harry said sulkily. 


	21. whispers

Notes and Disclaimer:  
  
As ever, everything not Allosia belongs to JKR.  
  
On my peculiar use of commas - I hear the way these folks speak very clearly in my head, and I am intentionally misusing the commas to try to get that inflection across. Sorry if it's distracting.  
  
I've mentally mapped out about the next 20 chapters, so there will be lots more to come. Thank you to all my reviewers, if you leave an email address with your review I will let you know when there are significant updates.  
  
-----------------  
  
Severus Snape exited the castle and started down the slight slope in front of it, to the clearing Allosia had been flying in for the last month. Once there, he watched her for a little while, silently, noting how she never looked at the ground once. She only would, when it was time to land.  
  
She had taught him that trick, but it would never be second nature to him as it was to her. For Allosia flying meant becoming oblivious to the mere notion of the ground, all directions, all possibilities must be equal. This strange and somewhat dangerous outlook spoke to her character, to the strength he knew she had, knew she must have, to be an auror and to be just the way she was. She was unafraid to cry and unafraid to hit, and he well knew there were few people both those things could be said about.  
  
He cast Exaudio at her and was pleased but not surprised to see her twitch as if an insect had buzzed past her ear. He laughed softly and she made a noise of annoyance before whispering to him from that distance, "that tickles!"  
  
"Sorry, I thought shouting an invitation for drinks might be ill-advised under the circumstances."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Whenever you're done - I'm working on something for a journal, I'll be up late, and there are some issues we need to put some thought to."  
  
"I see."  
  
Snape thought about reassuring her, but then thought the better of it. It was her job to work out how confident she was of his desire. And under the circumstances he knew that they'd have to be very sure of themselves if they could even begin to trust each other.  
  
He made a face, waiting for an answer from her.  
  
"How is it I can hear your facial expressions, Severus?"  
  
"Impatience is loud. Shall I expect you?"  
  
"Yes, in a while."  
  
"Very well," he said, bowing his head slightly and turning to go. Then he paused, and mumbled the words to end the spell before striding off into the dark. 


	22. points

Disclaimer and such:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
WARNING - really obnoxious cliffhanger!  
  
-----------------------  
  
She walked towards his rooms with a feeling of dread and wondered absently if it was perhaps the work of some ward or charm on these particular halls. Allosia didn't actually think this was the case, but she couldn't help but hope.  
  
Outside his rooms she closed her eyes and let her breath out, trying to convince herself that it would be okay, that they weren't going to fight, that they weren't going to let nosey students dictate the outcome of whatever it was that was going on between them.  
  
He felt familiar to her. And while the other professors were slowly becoming friends, his companionship was a comfort, even if they both found the obvious desire between them equally uncomfortable and amusing. She wondered absently what all this was a function of, their past, pheremones, magic or machinations beyond them. That it was all equally plausible delighted her; it made them safe, just slightly.  
  
She passed her right hand through the air down the center of her body. Stood a little straighter, chuckled at herself and opened her eyes, only to find him standing there with the door open smiling at her.  
  
She winced.  
  
"Are you going to come in now?"  
  
She smiled and twisted her head. "Point one for Severus," she muttered.  
  
He closed the door behind her with a broad gesture and strode across the room to offer her wine. She tried not to sound to grateful for it or to sip at it too loudly and obviously.  
  
Snape gestured at her usual chair, and she lounged back in it, trying to appear comfortable and relaxed as she had not on previous visits.  
  
She looked at him to begin, since he had made it clear he had an agenda.  
  
"Malfoy knows, as I told you." He paused then and sighed. "I told him I was taking advantage of the fact that we knew each other as students to gain your trust, to spy on you, the implication being of course, for Voldemort. I made it rather abundantly clear how critical his silence was on this matter, and I believe I've secured that silence."  
  
"Couldn't you have come up with something else?"  
  
"Not as plausible, no."  
  
"Well, that much is true."  
  
Snape raised his eyebrows at this. "Do tell."  
  
"Apparently Harry had been convinced it was Ron Weasley pulling a prank, until the Granger girl corrected him."  
  
"Corrected him how?"  
  
"You don't want to know, but she does know it was us, and seems find it not terribly scandalous, although," she paused trying to remember the phrasing, "a positive development."  
  
"Where did you get all this?"  
  
"Neville Longobottom," she answered smugly.  
  
Snape looked at her increduously.  
  
"I threatened him. Politely. The trick with him is not to yell. I told him it would all be much less scary if he just told me what he knew about the situation, since the pranksters really do need to be ascertained. Plus, I think being female helped."  
  
"Where did you develop this skill?"  
  
"I'm an auror, Severus," she stated as if he were missing the obvious.  
  
"Do you do a lot of interrogations?"  
  
Allosia nodded, smiled and licked her lips.  
  
"Point two to Allosia, clearly."  
  
That sat quietly for a while, until Allosia asked, "what else?"  
  
"Hrmmm?" Snape had clearly been lost in thought.  
  
"I was under the impression that your agenda was," she paused for emphasis, "more significant."  
  
"Isn't it always?"  
  
He sounded weary and she shrugged.  
  
Looking for the still unknown path that Snape was clearly counting on, she stood up, and wandered over to his desk, where he had books and scrolls piled high. She pursed her lips, read what she could upside down, and then asked, "What's the paper on?"  
  
"Time released potions."  
  
She looked at him in confusion, "but that's common."  
  
He smiled then, stood up, and joined her by the desk. He grabbed at a few of his notebooks and turned them around so she could look. "Not if you're talking about multiple effects. Task one for an hour, as the potion wears off and the body chemistry changes, latent properties are activated in the potion and the next event takes places. Potential uses include complex medical situations,"  
  
"and complex military situations," Allosia said, suddenly comprehending.  
  
Snape smiled down at her, but she didn't see it, until she turned away from the desk to face him. He was dangerously close to her, his left hand still lightly resting on one of the desk's open notebooks. Allosia met his eyes and waited, willing herself not to break eye contact.  
  
"Would you let me test them out on you, the way I used to?" he asked very quietly.  
  
Allosia let out a small nervous noise, too short to be called a laugh, but she didn't break eye contact, and she didn't say no.  
  
"You astound me," Snape said, bringing his hands up to gently cup her face. He leaned down and kissed her, more as if he was holding a sacred goblet, than a woman.  
  
"You should be careful," she said, his face still very close to hers.  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"You hold a woman's face like this and she might get the impression you're in love with her." 


	23. choices

To his credit, he didn't flinch or pull back. In fact, there wasn't even the slightest flicker in Snape's gaze. Allosia realized this could mean many things, and decided not to speculate.  
  
As if reading her mind, he quirked one side of his mouth into a smile. "Or," he said, slowly moving his hands into her hair and tightening his grip, "it might just mean that I want to do this."  
  
She pressed her face towards him then and reached out for him with her lips. Every time she thought they were about to kiss he'd pull back just slightly with a small satisfied chuckle as she strained after him.  
  
"You -" escaped her mouth breathlessly.  
  
"Yes?" he taunted.  
  
"Ohhh," she whimpered softly as he did it again.  
  
"Ask and you shall receive, Allosia," he said as if she should have known.  
  
"Kiss me," she whispered, only barely conscious of feeling like a fool.  
  
He brought his mouth to hers then, sucking first on her lower lip and then the upper before running his tongue over them and into her mouth.  
  
Briefly, he was lost. But the kiss steadied Allosia until she broke it off. As she looked at him, his hands went gentle in her hair before they slid away from her and back to his sides. He leaned against the desk and smiled.  
  
"Hello," she said.  
  
"Hello to you too," he said with amusement.  
  
"I liked that."  
  
"I could tell."  
  
"More," she said, laughing at herself.  
  
"Would that it were that simple," he said sighing and pushing himself away from the desk. He fetched his wine glass and took a sip. "How are we supposed to do this Allosia?" His voice sounded weary.  
  
She resisted several obvious and lewd wisecracks and made a face for him continue instead.  
  
"First we live in the dreadful microcosm that is Hogwarts. Secondly, I'm a known Death Eater and you're an auror. My dual role in this conflict doesn't make you safer, and it doesn't make me saner." He held up a hand when she started to protest. "I know you can take care of yourself, but that's no reason to paint a target on your back."  
  
"Are you illustrating this dilemma so I can be impressed with your beautiful solution?"  
  
"I don't have a solution, Allosia, not a good one. Not one either of us will like in the least."  
  
"You're saying I should go."  
  
"I'm saying you'd be wise to. But I won't ask you to."  
  
"It's always been my choice, Severus."  
  
"Believe me, I know. Even then, I know. Willful."  
  
"What is 'this' anyway?"  
  
"Beyond something we both seem to want, I don't know. That question seems low on the list of current concerns."  
  
Allosia nodded. She had to admit he had a point. 


	24. staying

He watched her very carefully as she crossed the room. Allosia turned to look at him and then pointedly sat down in her usual chair.  
  
"I take it you're not leaving then," he said with the dry amusement most people took for annoyance.  
  
"Doesn't look like it." She crossed her legs and gave him a pleased with herself grin.  
  
"More wine?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
He filled her glass and then sat down in the other chair. A bemused look came over his features. "So, tell me, darling, what exactly is Miss Granger saying?"  
  
Allosia rolled her eyes. "I really think you'd be better off not knowing about this."  
  
"No, you think she would be better off if you don't tell me."  
  
"There is that." She sighed.  
  
He stared at her, knowing that eventually she would give in.  
  
"Fine. She thinks I might be a mitigating influence on the more abrupt aspects of your personality."  
  
"I take it, it wasn't phrased as delicately but the words were even bigger?"  
  
Allosia chuckled and nodded.  
  
"What else?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"How do you do that?"  
  
"It's my job, quite like it's yours."  
  
"Fair enough."  
  
"So give."  
  
Allosia sighed.  
  
"I'm afraid whatever it is, will be a disappointment if you make it much more suspenseful."  
  
"Ah, you've foiled my evil plot."  
  
Snape made a face.  
  
"Alright. According to Neville,"  
  
Snape interrupted her. "There's a source I always take seriously."  
  
"I realize you may find this absolutely mind boggling, but he listens, a lot."  
  
He nodded as if that were both obvious and ridiculous.  
  
"Anyway, as I said, according to him, Potter is tormenting Granger because she apparently has a crush on you."  
  
She stifled a giggle as Snape's face went from horrified to amused to delighted to evil.  
  
"That's very interesting," he said slowly.  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"Oh, let's see. If it's true, I can make that little know-it-all realize she has no idea how to function in the world at large, and if it's not, I'm sure I can find some way to take points from Potter."  
  
"Why do they irritate you so much?"  
  
"Because they are children who want to be adults and insist on acting like children anyway. If they want to be adults, there are consequences to one's actions, and this seems to be beyond them."  
  
"Your own childhood is a poor thing to judge others by, Severus."  
  
"I'd disagree." 


	25. before drowning

Notes/Disclaimers:  
  
Everything not Allosia belongs to JKR.  
  
Hermione may or may not have a crush on Snape, actually - I haven't decided what I am doing with that. Harry may just be trying to torture her for reasons as yet undisclosed. It's really a very random subplot not key to my overarching plan of evil.  
  
And no, I am not trying to be a tease here, there's a very specific reason further down the plot line why this chapter goes the way it does.  
  
This Chapter has been slightly changed since it's original upload last night - I had something bugging me about the dialogue in it I needed to fix.  
  
Patience.  
  
Heh.  
  
Thanks to all.  
  
------------------------  
  
"Well, I'd certainly know less about it than you."  
  
"Don't be petulant, Allosia."  
  
"Can we try to remember we're not teenagers anymore? Please?"  
  
He raised his eyebrows at her. "That would mean no more staying up all night."  
  
"We could go to bed."  
  
He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it.  
  
"What?" she asked somewhat indignantly.  
  
"It's not important. I'll find out in good time."  
  
It was her turn to raise her eyebrows.  
  
He smiled. "You like suspense." It wasn't just a statement, but an order.  
  
She squinted at him.  
  
"Want to stay the night?" he said, only slightly as a question.  
  
She nodded sideways, indicating her agreement with the obvious.  
  
"You understand that's on my terms?"  
  
"As long as you don't make me sleep on the couch."  
  
"I don't have a couch."  
  
"So you see my point."  
  
He gestured with the wine glass in his hand in a way that seemed to indicate both an acceptance of her point and a request for her to stand.  
  
Allosia stood then, smoothing her robes and taking a deep breath reminiscent of the way she had prepared herself in front of his door earlier.  
  
Snape allowed himself a brief smile at this, but set his mouth again quickly enough that she missed it. He didn't often have the pleasure of making someone nervous with something other than his menace or intellect.  
  
He held his hand out to her and led her around the corners to his bed. Letting his hand slip from hers he sat down and settled back against the headboard. He patted the blankets next to him and gave her a bemused look. He hadn't expected her to become shy, or for that matter, paralyzed.  
  
"Come here," he nearly whispered. It was kind and said through a smile.  
  
Allosia climbed up on the bed and leaned back against the headboard, very clearly on the other side of the bed.  
  
"Is this strange for you?" he asked.  
  
"You. Bed. Odd," she said softly. "I - " she stopped herself and shook her head.  
  
"We could go to the closet in my office, if that would be more familiar for you." He tried not to sound cruel.  
  
"Yes, this is strange for me," she said turning to face him.  
  
He took a sip of wine and set his glass down on the night table before scooting closer to her on the bed. He caressed the side of her face with his hand, and then kissed her hard. As she opened her lips to him, she felt the wine flood into her mouth. For a second, she was startled.  
  
  
  
"Now you know," he said running his hand up and down her still robbed legs, "that this is only going so far tonight, right?"  
  
"When did you become old-fashioned?"  
  
"I haven't, but there are so many potentials here, I think we'd best make sure we can swim before we try to drown."  
  
"Mmmmm," her noise of appreciation was as much for his phrasing as anything else.  
  
"Good," he said, and muttered the words that darkened the room. 


	26. puzzlement

Allosia woke slowly. At first, she thought she had somehow managed to twist around so that she was upside down in her bed. Then she remembered she wasn't in her bed and this one clearly just faced a different direction than her own. She was alone.  
  
She threw her legs over the side of the bed and reached for her clothes. Somehow, she'd wound up naked, and he hadn't, but at the moment, coffee was her larger concern.  
  
As she stumbled out into the main room, he glanced up from his desk to say hello, but quickly went back to his work.  
  
"How long have you been up?"  
  
"A few hours. I told you I needed to finish this."  
  
"Yeah. Uh -"  
  
"Don't know what to say?" he asked without looking up.  
  
"I'm not good at this, Severus, not with you anyway."  
  
He arched an eyebrow. "True that."  
  
"I should go."  
  
"Use floo powder, would you?"  
  
"Yes, of course," she agreed quickly, thinking of the potential ramifications of her being seen leaving his rooms in this particular condition.  
  
He looked up from his desk then and smiled at her broadly. "I'll see you at breakfast."  
  
"Yeah, coffee," she said, heading to the fireplace. "Hey, thanks, by the way, I had fun," she added in a small soft voice.  
  
"I'm glad," he said, and she disappeared into the green flames of the floo system.  
  
  
  
A shower and a few moments in her own rooms helped clear her head, but Allosia wasn't entirely grateful for this. After all, it gave her the mental clarity to overanalyze every aspect of the evening. Walking to breakfast, she forced herself to think about the day's lessons.  
  
Part of her hadn't actually expected him to be there. He'd seem to closed this morning and she'd fully expected several days of avoidance. When she arrived he acknowledged her tersely and she asked him pass her the large plate of toast Flitwick seemed to be hogging.  
  
When the owls flew in for the typical morning mail delivery, she was surprised to see a particularly large bird swoop in and drop a large, square letter in dark parchment right in the middle of Snape's plate.  
  
He visibly blanched and stared at it without moving, his face clearly making an effort to be neutral. Notably, several other people in the hall were also staring, including Dumbledore and McGonogall and a few of the students.  
  
"I so rarely see you get mail," Allosia said hoping to elicit some sort of response.  
  
"Let me assure you, I prefer it that way." He snatched up the letter then and stormed out of the hall. 


	27. explanation

Predictably, Snape was absent from the rest of the day's meals. Allosia did what she could to ignore both this and her insecurity and in the evening returned to the air in front of the castle, trying to make sense of the stricken look on his face at breakfast.  
  
It was when he missed the next day's meals as well that she became concerned.  
  
Allosia wandered down to his dungeon classrooms, in hopes of finding him at work. It would be the most plausible explanation, and the least awkward, especially if her growing sense of dread about their interaction had any basis.  
  
She knocked softly on the cracked door and entered. Snape was sitting at his desk with his feet up, clearly lost in thought. He flicked his gaze towards her.  
  
"Hey? You okay?" she asked quietly.  
  
Without speaking he held out an envelope to her. It was the letter from the other day. Taking it from him she perched on the edge of the desk and read it. It was an invitation to a party.  
  
Well, no wonder he's glum, she thought to herself as she read farther and began to understand the real problem.  
  
It was an invitation to a party hosted by Lucius Malfoy, in his son Draco's honor, a celebration of the coming of age of the next generation of a great wizarding family.  
  
"Well, that's unpleasant," Allosia said, still not quite getting why Snape was being this moody about it.  
  
"You do understand the implication of that, don't you?" he asked gesturing hostilely at the envelope she still held in her hands.  
  
She looked to him for an explanation.  
  
"Do you remember the party I told you about? The one I went to for Lucius when we were students?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Clearly, it's Draco's turn."  
  
"You mean he's -"  
  
Snape nodded. "And I don't really have a choice in attending. Although I must admit to being somewhat stunned by the public delivery of the thing."  
  
"Malfoys like attention."  
  
"I'm aware."  
  
"So is this why you've been hiding?"  
  
He nodded. "My students, idiots though they may be, making choices like this," he gestured to his marked arm, "makes me ill. Having to pretend to be happy about it is more acting than anyone should have to do."  
  
"When is it?"  
  
"Two weeks."  
  
"Is there anything you can do about it?"  
  
"Other than RSVP? No."  
  
"Do you want to do something this weekend, take a little break before, that?" she asked, putting the letter down as if it might suddenly explode.  
  
He shifted his head from side to side, in thought. "Alright," he said as if it were an effort to imagine doing anything other than brooding over the invitation.  
  
"Hogsmeade?" she asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Good." She smiled. "Goodnight," she said getting up to leave the room.  
  
"Get some rest," he said as she left the classroom. 


	28. nothing to be done

"I was wondering when you were going to come to me with this, Severus,"  
  
"You understand," Snape said, pacing back and forth across Dumbledore's office, "that there is nothing that can be done about this, yes?"  
  
"In the immediate, yes, I know."  
  
"And you understand that I have to go to the, celebration," he said this word with disgust, "in order to keep up appearances?"  
  
Dumbledore nodded.  
  
Snape ran a hand through his hair and looked at the headmaster. "And what will no doubt transpire there?"  
  
He nodded again and gestured for Snape to sit. It took him a moment to comply, but then he threw himself into the chair in defeat.  
  
Dumbledore waited patiently then for his potions master to speak.  
  
"There are times, Albus, and I wish I could say they were more infrequent, when I think I should have chosen Akzaban," Snape said without looking up.  
  
"You are doing a very good thing and a very difficult thing and everyone who knows appreciates and acknowledges it."  
  
"Then why do I feel like I am merely damning myself further?"  
  
"For all of our sakes, I wish the ends did not have to justify the means, Severus. But what you are doing is necessary and something no one else can do for us. And I know you understand this."  
  
"I always wanted to be special," Snape said bitterly.  
  
Dumbledore couldn't suppress a slight chuckle and Snape merely glared at him through his hair. "I know that you must feel that you are suffering more for having chosen to do the right thing. If I could tell you that your suspicions were wrong, or were something that could be changed, I would. But I cannot do more than offer you my support and the wish that you dwell in possibility that this can be won sooner, rather than later."  
  
"There's something else you should be aware of," Snape said after a long pause.  
  
Dumbledore looked at him expectantly.  
  
"Professor Hemrand and I seem to have gotten ourselves involved. I tell you, not out of any comfort with it myself, you understand, but because it seems obvious to me that this makes life potentially more dangerous for us both."  
  
Dumbledore frowned and nodded, as if pondering this very seriously. Mostly he was trying to keep from laughing at Snape's discomfort. "Yes, indeed, that is very interesting. Complicated too, I'm sure," Dumbledore looked up at him then, giving the younger man the option of treating as a question.  
  
"That is a word for it, yes,"  
  
"Well, you're adults, and if I didn't stop you two as students here, I am certainly not going to stop you now." He paused. "Is there anything else I should be aware of?"  
  
"Not at the moment, but I'm sure some other hideous news will manage to find its way here shortly." 


	29. dread

Disclaimers and notes:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
This review thing is interesting, it both inspires me and dejects me. Oddly, I'm finding it more important to me to get these folks as they are in my head right, than it is for people to receive my original work well - I guess because my original work is all about projecting my imagination, and in an odd way, this is all about projecting little pieces of myself. Fan fic is weird, but I'll spare you further philosophizing here.  
  
This is from Snape's perspective, and has a lot of insight into his issues, as the next several chapters will. Enjoy.  
  
------------------  
  
Snape however, was wrong. Other than the usual unpleasantness of attempting to teach the uninspired and the willfully uneducable, nothing else happened as the week finished out. There were no more letters, only two melted cauldrons, and Allosia was giving him much needed space aside from reminding him of his perhaps misguided agreement to go to Hogsmeade with her.  
  
As if I'm pleasant to be around right now, he thought to himself, before amending that to, as if I'm pleasant. He was not sure if there was anything she truly saw in him other than a challenge and someone who was at least somewhat tolerant of her moods and contradictions.  
  
As he dressed for the outing, fastening manually instead of magically the tiny buttons that were the only decoration on most of his wardrobe, he felt as if he were armouring himself. And he supposed he was. The list of potential threats was long as his day to day fears were neither Death Eaters nor their horrors, but simple things, like strangers, and cruel children. He had the self-control to be a spy in a very dangerous and probably ultimately deadly situation, but not the self-control to banish the small paranoias of people perhaps mocking him from his mind. Smart children and only, they always go wrong somehow, he thought and grimaced.  
  
In many ways, the brighter the student the crueler he was. Not that it was as overt as the tortures he saved for the likes of Longbottom, but those who could step up to the knowledge deserved recognition from him and yet, mostly all he could do is watch them with mistrust, because afterall, they could wind up just like him.  
  
He tugged at his cuffs, and smoothed at front of his cloak, waiting for Allosia to arrive. He hoped he would manage to feel less dread once she was actually in his presence. Since the night she had spent, they had barely talked, and he was relieved. He knew, oddly, how to make people want him, but not what to really do with them beyond the carnal once they did. He made another face at himself and sighed in relief as he heard her kick at his door and say his name. Allosia never knocked, she insisted it hurt her hands.  
  
He muttered the charm and gestured at the door and it swung open for her. He managed to smile broadly, but wonder if it looked merely like the imitation of a more human gesture that was lost to him. Then he noticed she was carrying her broom.  
  
"We're not flying are we?" he asked.  
  
"I thought we might," she said, smiling broadly.  
  
Snape sighed. He hated flying in daylight. Hated it. He claimed the sun bothered his eyes, which was a feeble although somewhat true excuse. Mostly, he'd just never gotten over being laughed at as a child. And as imposing as he was now, he still sometimes felt, especially when it was light out, that he had no right to be up there. The worst part was, Allosia knew all this.  
  
He gave her a sharp look, as if to say I know exactly what you are up to, but acquiesced. "As you wish, although, I'd hope we'll,"  
  
She cut him off, "be discrete? Don't worry, did you think I was going to have us do a loops of the Quidditch stands first?"  
  
"It would not have shocked me."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "Indeed. Now shall we?"  
  
She gestured towards the door and he summoned his broom. It was going to be a long day. 


	30. small refuges

Disclaimer and such -  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Some sweetness before all hell breaks loose.  
  
  
  
---------  
  
  
  
Allosia Hemrand and Severus Snape strolled through Hogsmeade, speaking amiably about very little at all. While the trip there was short, it had been less than pleasant, as they had to fly directly into the wind. It had left their eyes watery, and Snape's lungs feeling particularly sore.  
  
He knew that Allosia noticed it and had in fact expected it when she had seen what the air was like, but he was happy enough that she was refraining from mentioning it for a change.  
  
"So do we have any particular agenda today?" he asked her.  
  
"Not really. Wander around, shop, drink," she said.  
  
"Avoid students," he added.  
  
At first Allosia thought he was adding that to her list of reasons for being here, but then she registered Draco Malfoy heading straight towards them with a large grin and an almost ridiculous swagger. "Well, this looks exciting," Allosia muttered, as they came to a stop.  
  
Snape took a step out to meet Malfoy. Allosia saw this immediately as both an attempt to shield her from the annoyance and as a statement of authority over both of them.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy," said Snape imperiously.  
  
"Sir, so nice to see you outside of Hogwarts."  
  
Snape arched an eyebrow. "Is there something you want or shall Professor Hemrand and myself nod a greeting at you and be on our way?"  
  
"Well," Malfoy started, lowering his voice just a tad. "I just wanted to make sure you were coming to the party."  
  
"I've sent my RSVP to your father's social secretary. I had hoped, but I now see that was in vain, that you would have the good sense to have both some discretion and trepidation about the upcoming events."  
  
Malfoy paled at little at this. "Obviously, I am quite excited at the honor of joining my family in its business and political endeavors."  
  
"No doubt you are, Mr. Malfoy, but I assure you, the beginnings of such things, are neither easy, nor simple and strike me more as a cause for relief at having survived them, than for celebration." He looked at him very pointedly.  
  
"I will consider that Sir, thank you for your advice."  
  
"Good day then, Mr. Malfoy. Allosia?" He said holding out a hand to her. She took it, and as he led her away, felt him squeeze it entirely too hard.  
  
She counted their steps, and at twenty, Snape muttered, "They get younger and younger," and sighed.  
  
"You were?"  
  
"Twenty, when it was formalized, so to speak, but then, I am not a Malfoy."  
  
"Does he even know what he's getting into?"  
  
"Would you be more or less horrified if I said yes?"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Shall we find ourselves some hot beverages and a warm corner somewhere?"  
  
"I'd like that, but I have a shopping errand first. There's a hat I want."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. She was taking him shopping with her and they hadn't even actually had sex yet. He was horrified.  
  
Grasping at least some of his thought process, Allosia scolded him, "don't look so horrified, it won't take but a moment."  
  
"As you wish." He was making every effort to accommodate her, as he knew he was likely to need much accommodation from her next weekend.  
  
His ability to contain himself faltered somewhat when he saw the hat. It was almost a tophat, but slightly less rigid in construction, made out of a black velvet, and surrounded at the brim with black ostrich feathers. It was absolutely lovely, but then Allosia put it on. It made her look positively tiny, and although she was quite slight, tiny wasn't a reaction one often had to her. He must have made a face, because she looked annoyed, and then drew herself up menacingly. Then it worked.  
  
"For formal occasions, I hope?" he asked.  
  
"And moments of whimsy," she added hoping to put just the slightest bit of fear in him.  
  
As the hat was packaged and she paid, she let him know that drinks and warmth would now be acceptable.  
  
  
  
The Three Broomsticks was fairly empty. It was late afternoon, and people were just beginning to filter in off the streets of Hogsmeade.  
  
"What would you like?" he asked, turning to her.  
  
"Mulled wine," she said and he smiled slightly at the choice.  
  
"Why don't you find us a table?" he asked, handing her his broom to deal with as well.  
  
She nodded, and went to a booth towards the back that had enough room to stow their broomsticks and her rather large hatbox.  
  
By the time she had managed to settle herself and their things, he arrived with their drinks and slid into the booth opposite her.  
  
She reached for her drink immediately, to warm her hands. He lifted his glass slightly off the table and gestured towards her with it.  
  
"A toast," he said.  
  
"To?" she asked.  
  
"Small refuges," he said, smiling at her, and then looking around the bar.  
  
She tipped her head to one side, as if to say, fair enough, and sipped at her drink.  
  
They sat in silence for a while, each obviously distracted, and lost in their own thoughts.  
  
"You should be aware," he said, suddenly looking up, "that I've spoken to Dumbledore."  
  
"About the party?"  
  
"Yes, that too. I meant, about," he paused here,, unsure of whether to say this or us. "um, I'm sorry, I feel foolish here. I just thought he should know the situation between us, under the circumstances."  
  
"Oh!" She said, finally registering what he meant. "Of course, that's fine, how did he take it?"  
  
"I think he was amused at my awkwardness about it, but he didn't seem to consider it an issue."  
  
"Well, that's good," said Allosia feeling awkward herself.  
  
"Yes," he said nervously, and nodded before sipping at his drink again.  
  
Allosia smiled to herself. Making Snape uncomfortable was a peculiar sort of pleasure.  
  
"Next week," she said after a long pause.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Is there anything I can do, to help, under the circumstances."  
  
"I thought we weren't going to talk about this today."  
  
"I thought we weren't going to run into Malfoy today either, and I felt the way you grabbed my hand afterwards."  
  
Snape ran a hand through his hair. "I can't imagine what you could do, but I'll think about it, alright?"  
  
"Thank you," she said. Mentally noting that in any normal interaction, he would be the one saying thank you. She let it drop though.  
  
Quiet descended on them again, and as he stared past her lost in thought she took time to study his features in a way she hadn't had the presence of mind to before. They were strong and it was clear to her that he enjoyed them this way, knew how to use them to create desired effects, usually fear. She knew, as it was hard to miss gossip or opinions of any sort at Hogwarts, that many found him unattractive, but what they really meant was unfamiliar and frightening. If he cut his hair, dressed less severely, and just plain smiled from time to time in a way that wasn't predatory or sad, he would seem to be an entirely different man. That man however would be both unremarkable and unreal, and have a face that people liked, only because they never bothered to look at it closely. He would be invisible then, instead of this strange forceful presence. She liked him this way though. That his face could be so painfully expressive, and also so cold, was no doubt a Slytherin trait. In fact she imagined that all great Slytherins had features this unusual, eyes this dark. She smiled slightly then.  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
She was startled, but knew she shouldn't have been. He always watched the periphery more than the center.  
  
She thought about lying, and then decided against it. "I was studying your face."  
  
"I can't imagine why," he said dryly, taking a sip of his drink.  
  
"Because it interests me."  
  
"A careful choice of words." His voice held an unsteady tone, and she was unclear as to weather he was amused, or about to get angry.  
  
"A truthful one. The way you express yourself through it, the way you command your features, is very precise. I suspect most people don't have the nerve to pay attention to you in that way, but I would say, it is quite a gift." She paused then. He seemed interested and puzzled, but not angry. "I was imagining, that perhaps all great Slytherins had that quality."  
  
Snape snorted at that. "Have you looked at the children in my House?"  
  
"I have. I have to suppose that none of them are great Slytherins."  
  
He nodded at this. "There are one or two who I suspect will find their way to interesting achievements, when given the space to develop their talents for more than survival and pettiness."  
  
"I'm glad," she said pursing her lips and nodding.  
  
"You, by the way," he said extending one long finger towards her face, "could have been a very great Slytherin."  
  
Allosia's eyes widened at that and she positively beamed at him.  
  
"An unusual reaction," he commented.  
  
"You saw me sorted," she stated.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"It was a school record for time, if you'll recall."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"The other option was Slytherin."  
  
"And you chose Ravenclaw?"  
  
"No, I saw myself as the intelligence and reassurance behind great power. I liked the notion of smiling into a king's ear and being left alone to read while others debated."  
  
"You should have been in Slytherin," he said with small hint of amazement in his voice.  
  
"No. I would have learned a type of vanity from too many of your housemates that would have weakened me."  
  
"And so you were put in Ravenclaw, so you could one day be a snake," he said with a somewhat amused and malicious tone.  
  
"I think so, sometimes, yes."  
  
"And is that the big secret of Allosia Hemrand?"  
  
"I suppose it was at one point. I've never told anyone before. But it didn't worry me, if that's what you mean."  
  
"You were never afraid of us."  
  
"Oh yes I was. I just didn't have a problem with that."  
  
He lifted his glass and drained its remaining contents before replacing it loudly on the table. "Another?" he asked, pointing at her nearly finished wine.  
  
"Yes, and food, definitely food."  
  
  
  
They stayed at their table until well past eleven, eating and drinking in their own small world of the booth. They noticed no one who entered the bar, and few noticed them. Those who did, left them alone.  
  
They returned to Hogwarts with more ease than they had left it, blessed by companionship, food, drink, better wind and in Snape's case, darkness. As they trudged up the damp slope to the castle, he said, "You'll be staying with me tonight." She didn't argue. 


	31. small evidences

Diclaimers and such -  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Alright, I lied, a little more sweetness and light before the big angsty thing. I have to get us there somehow. Like you're complaining.  
  
----------  
  
Snape slid quietly out of bed. Allosia stirred slightly and he waited a moment watching her, to see if she would wake, although he doubted it. The woman would spend half the day in bed, given the opportunity, she certainly wasn't going to notice him pacing around in the pre-dawn hours.  
  
As much as she was so clearly a woman, in body, intellect, emotion and self- possession, she still seemed small and strange and half-imagined to him. And young. A strange relic, from the time before.  
  
He reached for his robe and pulled it around him. She had been so insistent when they had gotten in, her hands slipping into his clothes any which way she could find. It was delicious, and he hoped she wasn't hurt by his refusals; they were certainly breathless enough to convince anyone of his desire for her.  
  
Snape chuckled and shook his head. He had never much been one for restraint, but they were so volatile and this was such a potential mess. Not to mention, living and working in the same building didn't really give either of them an easy way out. Maybe, after the Malfoy event, he'd give in. Maybe.  
  
He grimaced and went to his sitting room and folded himself into his usual chair by the fireplace. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was damn worried about this party.  
  
It would have been horrific under any circumstances, but he worried that Allosia didn't fully understand the things he would no doubt be required to overlook, if not in fact participate in, at this gathering. More importantly, he worried he wouldn't have the strength to keep it from her, especially with it directly involving a student they both taught.  
  
Snape secretly felt sorry for Malfoy. It was clear the boy hadn't the slightest idea what he would need to endure, to be accepted amongst the Death Eaters, and while he needed lessons in his human frailty, no one, not even a Malfoy deserved to get them like this. He sighed audibly.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
He heard Allosia's voice behind him, gentle. He turned and looked at her, naked and clearly cold, and smiled. "Hi there."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Thinking."  
  
"Come back to bed?"  
  
"In a moment, 'Sia."  
  
"Your brain works just as well in here," her voice retreating, back towards the alcove.  
  
"Unfortunately," he muttered, getting up and following her.  
  
  
  
The morning was slightly less awkward this time. He still got up first, and went to work at his desk, but he smiled when he heard the bathroom door open and close and the bath water start to run. Making herself right at home she was. He thinned his lips at her in amusement when she came out wrapped in his black kimono.  
  
"Have you been?" she asked trying to gesture at the thing she was wearing.  
  
"The Far East has some rather compelling magical knowledge, especially in the realm of potions. I've spent some time studying there over the years, yes."  
  
She nodded, still sleepy, her hair still dripping water into her face. Snape noticed this and pointed his wand at her, drying it instantly. She looked at him strangely as he replaced the wand on his desk. "My carpet," he said simply, as if it were obvious.  
  
She apologized and he waved his hand as if to indicate it was inconsequential.  
  
"What's on your agenda today."  
  
"Grading."  
  
"Ah, well it's good to know you'll be as miserable as me,' he said lightly.  
  
"Most people would not believe that's possible."  
  
"Indeed," he said glancing down at the student documents before him.  
  
Allosia gave him a sympathetic smile before turning to find her clothes and take her leave.  
  
When she was gone, Snape took a long moment to walk around his apartments, observing the small evidences of her presence. His damn kimono on the bed (which he promptly dried and returned to the bathroom), the rumpled sheets, the pillow that had made it to the floor, the shower damp from someone other than himself. It was a strange feeling, such details were usually the end of people to him, not the beginnings.  
  
He had almost invited her to bring her work down here, so they could share the misery. It was a nice image, but he knew it was from a small, comfortable place they had yet to visit. 


	32. nerves

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
The Exaudio charm which I use in previous chapter(s), it turns out is the creation of another fanfic writer, R.J. Anderson, so let me give belated credit for that. I discovered that tidbit, btw, from the delightful, disturbing and close to my heart, Pawn to Queen, by Riley, that I encourage everyone to read, although it may be squicky for some and close to the bone for others.  
  
Long chapter, because fanfiction.net was down.  
  
Angst, here we go - and this is the light stuff  
  
  
  
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As the week drifted on, Allosia watched Snape slip inexorably and she hoped intentionally more and more into the role he would no doubt have to play at the Malfoys' party. He was colder and haughtier, and while he seemed less frightening, he also seemed more deadly. As she watched the school's unease around him increase she had to stop herself from unleashing little digs at his demeanor. It did not seem the time to scold him for constantly drumming his fingers on the teacher's table at breakfast, even as a number of other professors glared, without result, at his hand for it. As far as she could tell, Snape was walking through the world seeing only the machinations of his mind.  
  
He was courteous to her, but little more. She found she preferred his sarcasm and unpleasantries. This was distancing in a way she did not enjoy, but if she looked angry, his eyes got pleading and sad. And so she accepted his iciness as something necessary to the situation and chose to refrain from interrupting his preparations as much as she could.  
  
She kept to her rooms, her work and her flying and was quiet with everyone, so that she would not forget when to hold her tongue.  
  
On the Friday before the event, she emerged from her last class of the day, to find him waiting outside her classroom, creating an emptiness in the hallway where her students had clearly fled with more efficiency than usual. She smiled broadly, but before her inquiries as to his presence left her mouth, he grabbed her wrist, far harder than she would have normally anticipated. She looked, not at him first, but at his hand, its fine fingers clutching hard enough to make her own tingle. She raised her head slowly to look at him then, her eyes angry, and warning.  
  
She expected him either to snatch his hand away or continue squeezing, but instead she watched his face fall and his fingers slacken. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.  
  
She nodded at him by way of acceptance, and to encourage him to continue.  
  
"I," he started and paused. "I would not choose to spend time around me, right now, if I were you, but as you asked last weekend if you could be of assistance, I would be in your debt for your company this evening and tomorrow, if at all -"  
  
She cut him off. "Of course, Severus. When would you like me to come by?"  
  
He slipped his hand from her wrist then. "Thank you. Ten would be alright."  
  
Allosia nodded and swallowed. "Are you all right, Severus?" she said slowly.  
  
He nodded abruptly then, turned in a flourish of robes that almost caught her up with it, and strode away. Had her anxiety levels not been what they were, Allosia would have laughed.  
  
  
  
His door swung open the moment she arrived at it, and closed as quickly once she stepped through. He was pacing, one arm across his stomach, the other, propped up on it. He drummed his fingers on his lips as he walked.  
  
Allosia sighed, loudly and intentionally. "What is with you?" she asked, surprised as the relief she felt to be able to get that out.  
  
"First," he began, sounding somewhat manic. Allosia suspected he hadn't been sleeping much, and had some sort of stimulant in his system on top of the obvious adrenaline. "This is not the sort of thing I usually have to deal with. It is, in its way, far more challenging than my usual assignments." The last word came out with obvious distaste. "I have to be sociable and cruel, and casual about it. Which is quite a different thing than showing up in the presence of Voldemort, taking my cues and taking my leave. I have to want to be at this occasion."  
  
"Of course," Allosia said, still waiting to hear something from him that would explain this to her better.  
  
He turned and looked at her sharply. "Normally, I get to worry if I come back alive. And as an aside, I hope you do fully understand that I expect to die in this endeavor at some point."  
  
She nodded, but it was very small, more businesslike than timid.  
  
"At any rate, I'm quite sure I will attend Lucius Malfoy's party for his weasel of a son tomorrow, and that I will return to these rooms at some point in the late evening or early morning, quite soundly in one piece. Other people at the event will not be able to say the same. And it would greatly surprise me, Allosia, if I did not in some way have a hand in that."  
  
She opened her mouth to speak, but he held a hand up for her to stop.  
  
"You should also understand that those people will not be Death Eaters or any of Lucius' other depraved compatriots. They will be Muggles or Mudbloods or Squibs, or anyone else unfortunate enough not to be missed or not to count. Those people will die tomorrow, and there is nothing in the world I can do to stop it, without giving myself away, without giving the cause away, and without putting my life at risk, a life that matters only because of the task I was given, instead of the oblivion of Akzaban, because I was foolish enough to ask for mercy."  
  
Allosia licked her lips and bowed her head slightly.  
  
"I have not stopped being a murderer Allosia, I have merely been given permission. That's what this means, you know, to do this, and I'm supposed to be all right with it, since after all I am a Slytherin, by any means necessary, and all that. And if I thought I could find freedom from that in death, I would depart right now by my own hand. But I know better." His voice had returned to its usual quiet menace. "And so, if I do not yet repulse you, and I may well tomorrow when I return, I would be honored to have your somewhat soothing, if oft infuriating company." His eyes glittered.  
  
Allosia nodded. Swallowed. "I've killed too."  
  
"Not for sport, and from what I know of you from the Ministry, not often. You're a profiler, an interrogator, they keep you out of the field as much as possible because you are so in tune with the how and the why, they worry they'll break you." The condescencion in his voice was palpable but she was unsure as to whether it was directed at her or the Ministry.  
  
She closed her eyes slowly and held herself very still.  
  
"I hope you understand how much I admire you," he said, his voice serious, and calm.  
  
She nodded and then took her usual seat and smiled as he visibly relaxed. "You're going to have to try harder to get rid of me, if only because I am still immature enough to like a challenge, now what in Hades are you on?"  
  
The list was not attractive, but managed not to be shocking. The man had sense, certainly, and a finesse when it came to potions, if nothing else.  
  
"I hope to Merlin you intend to get some rest tonight, yes?"  
  
He nodded. "I was hoping you'd be a calming influence."  
  
"There's a pick up line," Allosia responded dryly.  
  
He shook his head and let out a short chuckle before throwing himself into the chair opposite hers.  
  
"Lucius' party, when we were students - what haven't you told me?"  
  
He shook his head and steepled his fingers. "If I need to tell you tomorrow, I will."  
  
"If this is the same?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Why are you so accepting of me?"  
  
"Because I always have been."  
  
He thought about this, and seemed to find the answer satisfactory. "Potions then and drama now?"  
  
"Something like that, although you were rather overwrought then as well, and not nearly so artful about it."  
  
He made a face at her and fidgeted absently with his robes, swishing them slightly at the side of his chair.  
  
"Now what can I do, other than sit here, and ask you questions about things you've already been thinking too much about."  
  
"Sing," he said, very softly, glancing across to her through the hair fallen into his face. 


	33. go

Disclaimer -  
  
Well I almost went to Lord of the Rings tonight, but I decided to sit in to work on this and my Slytherin scarf instead. Yes, really.  
  
Apologies to anyone reading that I've taught to play Go. I'm sure you never, ever needed to hear my little intro to the game rant coming out of Snape's mouth. It just seemed the perfect thing for him to be pedantic about.  
  
If you don't play Go, I should note here that "eyes" in go, represent a particular pattern of pieces - well done ones create territory that cannot be conquered by the opposing side. False eyes, as they are called, can be divided, causing the territory to be ceded to the opposing player.  
  
As ever, all things not Allosia, still belong to JKR.  
  
  
  
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Allosia searched her mind rapidly and somewhat obviously for a song that didn't involve dead lovers or muggle religious habits and found few that matched her mood or the situation. With her mind screaming at her to just sing, dammit, it wasn't such a big request, she opened her mouth and just let the notes come out, improvising in front of him as she did only in private or in the lessons that made her the most shy. Using made up words and phrases and random syllables, she built the melody, weaving its pattern with the sounds and shapes that were the favorites of her voice. As she felt herself give into the song, she realized she couldn't look at him, was afraid of his reaction to her sudden illogical intensity, worried that she didn't have a right to sound this way and to sound so certain about it. She got up, strengthening her voice and turned her back to him, pacing softly. As she quieted, as she wound the sounds down, she found it in herself to face him again. She closed her mouth and her song in a hum, and looked at him over her arms folded on the back of her chair.  
  
He smiled at her, weakly, and took a long blink. "I don't know much about these things," he said in a voice particular to when his intellect could not and would not back him up, "but that seemed like very powerful magic."  
  
She nodded then, understanding what she had been too in the moment to notice while singing, that it was a spell to keep him safe, not from Voldemort or this stupid party, but his own relentless self-directed anger.  
  
"Thank you," he said, his voice barely audible.  
  
"Thank you for asking," she said.  
  
"Did your ex, you never told me his name, did he like your singing?"  
  
"Phillip. When I sang songs yes, that, what I just did, those scared him."  
  
"Why? It was very beautiful."  
  
"Because it wasn't predictable. They can sound very angry as well, very mournful."  
  
Snape nodded. "He wasn't a muggle?" he asked, somewhat increduously.  
  
"Muggle born," she said.  
  
"And it showed," he said, understanding.  
  
She nodded. "I don't like to think those things matter."  
  
"But we both know they do," he said with an intentional wickedness.  
  
She shrugged. What could be done. Their prejudices were their prejudices and they had both had experiences that made them seem logical. She happened to feel guilty about that fact. Snape didn't, but that's because all of his capacity for guilt was generally absorbed in other matters.  
  
"What's your plan, for tomorrow, I mean, you said - "  
  
"Yes. It's alright to ask." He paused, glanced to the corner for a second and then looked back at her. "I'd like you to stay tonight if you don't mind."  
  
Allosia shook her head and he indulged a slight smile. Of course she didn't mind.  
  
"Tomorrow, I'll need to leave probably around six to get there."  
  
"You're not apparating," she stated.  
  
"Gods no. In fact it will take a strong argument for me to do anything other than take a carriage there with my broom loaded into it just in case."  
  
Allosia stiffled a giggle.  
  
"At any rate, the real favour is that I'd you to be here, when I get in, afterwards. If you don't want to, or this seems odd, I do understand, it is merely a luxury that I would be most grateful for."  
  
"It's fine, Severus." She was quiet, interested in the formal tones he used when he found himself in the unpleasant position of having to ask for anything.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
  
"Alright, you understand how chess is essentially a military conflict, yes? The troops have taken the field and the battle must be joined, correct?"  
  
Allosia nodded. They had in fact given up on wizard chess after one rather weak game. They were both too distracted to play decently and their tempers had shortened considerably as they had laughed at each other's moves. Once the pieces joined in they knew it was hopeless. Snape thought he might have a good alternative.  
  
"In Go, we focus on deploying the troops for battle. It's really a much simpler game than chess, but much harder to master."  
  
He took her through some sample situations before they actually settled in to play. Allosia found it hard to place stones with any confidence she had an actual strategy, and he kept encouraging her to not even respond to the moves he was making on the board. It was a better activity though. She was happy for the small heavy objects to worry in her hands and for not having to look like she had the faintest clue what she was doing.  
  
And Snape seemed happy. His eyes never left the board and Allosia took both pleasure and interest in watching them scan up and down the playing field's grid lines, before unfocusing to see the larger pattern.  
  
Losing by ninety-one stones didn't thrill her though, although he tried to reassure her.  
  
"That's what the first game is for Allosia, to determine the handicap so we can play equally."  
  
She made a face.  
  
"Don't be like that. I've played this game for ten years now and there are many many players I take significant handicap to. A true Go master could easily defeat me, and create a a preplanned artistic pattern on the board at the same time."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. Now, again?"  
  
Allosia nodded, and with a slight flourish of his wand he cleared the board, separated their stones, and set up her handicap.  
  
"Now remember," he said, "divide and conquer. Divide to conquer. And watch for the eyes."  
  
They looked at each other then, just briefly, before they both tilted their faces back to the board. 


	34. unbidden

By the fourth game, Allosia had managed to loose by less than twenty stones. While not enough to reduce her handicap, it was enough to see that at least initially, she would learn quickly. Even if he had ten years of experience on her with this, it was important for her to catch up, to be the equal she was not when their friendship first began.  
  
"Do you want to play again?" he asked, looking up from the just cleared board.  
  
"You're tired," she said.  
  
"I find Go to be exceptionally mentally strenuous."  
  
Allosia wavered for a moment and nodded.  
  
"The more you understand it, the harder it gets. You'll see."  
  
She chuckled.  
  
"What?" he asked, more confused than annoyed.  
  
"It's a bit like you. Doesn't seem that complicated at first." She rolled her eyes as she finished the sentence.  
  
"Please tell me that of all the dreadful opinions that exist out there about me that simple isn't one of them."  
  
"Not really. But it wouldn't surprise me if people look at you and decide you're just afraid of people, or jealous of everyone or hate yourself and let it go at that."  
  
He smirked. "Without asking why."  
  
Allosia nodded. "Without wondering who you are when you're alone. Without considering if the words in your head are different than the ones that come out of your mouth."  
  
"You go too far, Allosia, I assure you most of my commentary is very well considered."  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"I wish you wouldn't always bow out of arguments like that."  
  
"But it's true."  
  
"It makes you look weak."  
  
Allosia tried not to bristle at the disgust in his voice. "But what do you know?"  
  
"That your tenacity makes you dangerous, to everyone, including yourself. That your intuition is good enough to make the word mean something. That I am constantly blessed and mystified by your presence." He smiled, as if to ask if this was what she wanted to hear, but then his face shifted in a kindly manner. It was all true. And he adored her for it. "What is it you want with me anyway?"  
  
"You mean other than the sex?" She winced at the artlessness of her dodge.  
  
"You mean other than the frustration?" he said with a chuckle.  
  
"Fine." She'd have to come up with something. She knew he'd just sit there, staring at her over his steepled fingers until she did. She sighed. "A refuge, it seems."  
  
"From?"  
  
"The slow, the stupid, the pointless."  
  
"The students you mean?" There was immense amusement and pleasure in his voice.  
  
"No, I don't mean the students." She was irritated. "I mean the world out there, hell, the world in here," and she pressed her index finger hard to the front of her head.  
  
He nodded solemnly.  
  
She lowered her hand from her face and reached out across the board for his hand. Looking him in the eye, with a steady gaze that demanded he join her in its openness, she whispered his name and said, "I know not what either of us wants or what either of us is capable of, but with no requests, no intentions, I want you to know that I do love you, my friend, my very dear friend."  
  
He squeezed her hand. "You honour me," he said. "And I care for you as I do no other creature on this earth. I will not echo your words back at you though, Allosia, not because they are not true, and not because I don't feel them, I do, but echoes are both meaningless and dangerous, and I wish to gift you with those words, when I am strong enough to allow them from myself unbidden."  
  
She nodded and closed her eyes very slowly. Opening them again, and looking right at him, she gave him the biggest smile she could manage without opening her mouth. There was a sadness to the moment, a reason it was happening now, and they both knew it.  
  
He got up from the table without releasing her hand. "Sleep now," he said, tilting his head towards the alcove. 


	35. preparations

Disclaimer -  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Soon, I'll have a sketch of Allosia up on the web - someone drew me as her last night wearing the hat from a previous chapter  
  
And no, I'm not trying to torture you all, there's a plot reason why they aren't getting it on yet. I swear!  
  
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Allosia stripped and climbed into the bed, while he changed into his night shirt in the bathroom. She found his modesty humorous, but admired in a strange, twisted way his vigilance. While he had explored most of her body with his hands by now there had been little between them that even resembled sex, despite her best efforts.  
  
This evening though, she fully intended not to make an issue of it. As far as she was concerned, she was getting naked because she always wound up that way anyway.  
  
Snape flipped back the covers to join her in bed, and arched an eyebrow at her nakedness.  
  
"I'm cold, get in here already," she whined, wrapping her arms around herself.  
  
"You know, Allosia, if you stayed out of dungeons and in your clothes, you wouldn't have these problems."  
  
"Severus," she said, annoyed, as he continued to stand there holding the covers off her.  
  
Turning away from her, he gestured with his wand and summoned a robe for her.  
  
"This is huge," she said, turning it around trying to find her way into it.  
  
"It's also warm," he said, finally deigning to get into the bed.  
  
Clothed again, she pressed her length against him. His sigh was almost a purr. "You're going to be the death of me, Allosia," he muttered as she nipped at his lower lip  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to," she said through the kisses.  
  
With a suddenness that seemed to startle them both, his hands came up to grip the sides of her head. "I want you very much, but not tonight, not like it's the end of the world, alright?" He rocked her head slowly back and forth as he said it.  
  
"Yes," she said, her hands coming up to his wrists.  
  
"Good," he said, relaxed and let go. "Now turn over, I'm serious about this sleep thing."  
  
Allosia rolled over and he wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and pulled her to him. As much as his intent was sleep, he couldn't top himself from biting at the back of her neck, holding a small fold of her skin between his teeth and growling. "You were wrong, you know."  
  
"Hrmmm," she inquired, distracted by a hand investigating her breasts.  
  
"You do still belong to me." The predatory smile in his voice was obvious.  
  
"Patience, you," she said, regaining herself, even as she felt his arousal pressing against her. "Sleep," she said, clearly as a reminder to them both.  
  
He sighed and relaxed his hold on her, but Allosia's alertness didn't fade until she heard his snoring begin.  
  
  
  
As she slowly opened her eyes, she wondered how long he had been attempting to rouse her.  
  
"One of us really should put in an appearance at breakfast, you know," he was saying.  
  
She groaned and rolled over, pulling the covers over her head.  
  
"Yes," he said, "I rather thought it would be me. I'll wake you when I get back." He bent down to kiss the top of her head as he got up.  
  
"Bring scones," came her muffled reply from under the blankets.  
  
"Alright, but you will not be eating them in this bed."  
  
Her response was completely incoherent. She rustled again and then quickly settled back into sleep.  
  
He shook his head and got up to dress.  
  
  
  
"Where's Allosia this morning?" Dumbledore asked good naturedly as Snape made his way around the head table to his seat.  
  
"Sleeping, I'd suppose," he said icily. It was technically true, after all.  
  
"Yes, yes, of course," Dumbledore said, having a hard time hiding his amusement.  
  
McGonogall rolled her eyes and Snape made a slight hissing sound in her general direction causing a giggle to erupt from Madam Hooch. He put a finger in her face as if he was about to lecture her and then thought the better of it before taking his seat.  
  
"Toast?" offered Flitwick, as Snape sat down.  
  
"No." His answer seemed very final.  
  
  
  
Allosia woke with a start as she heard the door slam. By the time she found hee way out from under the covers, Snape was glowering at the foot of the bed.  
  
"There are scones in the other room," he said, "and next time I suggest it's a good idea that at least one of us put in an appearance, either go yourself, or tell me I'm wrong."  
  
Allosia tried to hide both her amusement and confusion. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Oh you know how this place is! I was being baited, that's all."  
  
Allosia made a face that indicated he was being ridiculous.  
  
"Fine." He said, and sat down on the bed with a sigh.  
  
"You joining me?" Allosia asked coyly.  
  
"I'm tempted, certainly."  
  
"You'll need your rest, for later."  
  
"I can't imagine this would help then," he said dryly, as she reached up to brush his hair away from his face.  
  
She scooted closer to him then, and flung her head into his lap and made it perfectly clear she had every intention of going back to sleep.  
  
As he ran his fingers lightly over the side of her face, he muttered, "and people wonder why I don't have a familiar."  
  
He let her rest that way for about thirty minutes before grabbing her shoulders and sitting her up. "Time to get up, there are things to do."  
  
She rubbed at her face in a way that indicated she was still highly non- functional.  
  
Snape pointed at the bathroom. "Bathe, it'll wake you, then have your damn scones, and I'll refrain from presuming you're capable of functioning until then, alright?"  
  
She nodded and climbed out of bed.  
  
A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as she closed the bathroom door behind her.  
  
By the time she got out, wrapped in his kimono with her hair dripping, he was rummaging through his closet in great irritation.  
  
She made a questioning noise at him and he snorted in irritation, held his wand out and dried her. "The carpet," he said, yet again. Noticing the kimono, "you're getting attached to that thing aren't you?"  
  
She shrugged, and went to find her scones.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked, her mouth around one of the pastries.  
  
"Looking for dress robes," he said with aggitation.  
  
"Hrmmmm." She squinted into the dark of his closet, which was clearly bigger on the inside than the outside. "You've got a lot of stuff in there."  
  
"I may have given up the estate, Allosia, but my taste did not go with it."  
  
"Given up the - what?"  
  
He stopped and turned. "You didn't know," he said quietly.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"My family's holdings, the land and properties anyway, they all went to the Ministry when I bargained for my," he paused here, and spread his hands. "Life," he said simply.  
  
"Oh," she said, still somewhat puzzled. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's alright. Strange, mostly. Certainly reminds me of my more parochial failings. I still have the monetary inheritance at least, but yes, who needs Dementors, when you get to live at Hogwarts year round?"  
  
Allosia stepped towards him and reached a hand out, rubbing it briefly in a circle on his back. She suspected he smiled into the dark.  
  
"There you are," he said, speaking obviously to something in the wardrobe. "Hold this," he said, passing something voluminous back to Allosia.  
  
It was a robe in his typical style, in an incredibly delicate wool. Twenty small, delicate fabric-covered buttons closed the front of it. Each of them had just the faintest trace of siilver thread woven into them, giving them the appearance of crescent moons peaking out of a sea of blackness.  
  
"This is beautiful, Severus."  
  
"Thank you," he said continuing to rumage. "You can hang that somewhere."  
  
Allosia made a face, but did so without protest, draping it over the back of one of the chairs in the sitting room.  
  
He continued to pull things out of the closet, handing them to her. First a while high-collared shirt with the faintest trace of a white-on-white embroidery pattern; whether it was small s's or small snakes, she couldn't tell, then one of those old-fashioned ties that always made him look so severe, a satiny black with a green tinge to it. She wondered for a moment if he had a fear of having his throat slit; it was always so well protected. The pants were of a wool similar to the robe, but thicker, and the same buttons appeared at each cuff, nine and nine.  
  
He turned around then and closed the closet behind him, smiled when he saw her fingering the buttons. "Nine, the number of challenge. Keeps me on my toes," he said with a wry grin and she didn't know if he was joking or not.  
  
He took the garments from her then and set them down on the bed.  
  
"Ablutions for me," he said and turned towards the bathroom. At the door he paused, and summoned the kimono right off her body.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"You have other things to wear," he said lightly, and entered the bathroom without a glance back at her. 


	36. dressing

Disclaimer - all things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
In response to commentary I've received, yes they will give in and actually boink at some point, I've even figured out when - just stay with me here, okay?  
  
  
  
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Snape stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in his kimono, trying to untangle his hair with his fingers.  
  
"Oh come here," Allosia, now dressed in her robes, said with some disgust from her chair in the living room. He walked over to her, and she pointed at the floor in front of her, "sit."  
  
He looked at her oddly, but did.  
  
"You do have a hairbrush here somewhere, yes?"  
  
He nodded, but wasn't additionally helpful.  
  
"Fine," she said, and held up her hand to summon it. He snorted when it smacked the back of her hand, hard. "Next time tell me what direction to expect it from, alright?" she said playfully smacking at the back of his head.  
  
She set the brush in her lap and started going through his hair with her fingers, just to see how bad it was. With each motion, she watched his shoulders get higher and tenser.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked, pressing down on them, trying to get him to relax.  
  
"This makes me self-conscious."  
  
"I can see that, Severus, why?"  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Surely you remember I had hair far longer than yours and nearly as unruly for most of my life. There's no shame in it - you just can't use spells on it, it never ever gets all the tangles out."  
  
He shrugged again.  
  
"What?" she asked so softly, he wasn't even entirely sure she had spoken.  
  
His voice immediately sounded too loud to him, but he was finding it so hard to speak at all, that modulating it seemed beyond him for a moment. "I know, what people think of me. I know, that they do not find me attractive, or at best, or perhaps worst, they say interesting. That means, I'm ashamed to admire you. But no matter there, people are as they are, and I've even less use for them than they have for me."  
  
Allosia wondered how many times he had repeated that speech. "But?' she asked, prompting.  
  
"It's not the notion of being ugly that bothers me," he said, twisting around to look up at her. "Rather, I don't think I'm ugly at all. But the very strong possibility that I'm wrong, simply terrifies me. You fix my hair, and you confirm it. I will not have this face of mine, whatever it may be, betray my intellect."  
  
"I'm fixing your hair, because I like having an excuse to touch you, Severus," she said, beginning to work the brush through the tangles and forcing him to turn from her.  
  
"You do," he said. It wasn't a question, but there was faint surprise there.  
  
"I do. I enjoy your face, I even enjoy this hair of yours, despite my suspicions it's going to strangle you in your sleep one day."  
  
His shoulders went up again.  
  
"Relax," she said softly, undeterred from her task. "Tell me if I'm hurting you."  
  
"No, it's alright," he said tensely.  
  
"Good," she said. "You never go to anyone for it, do you?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"You should, it's something worth indulging in.'  
  
"Don't you mean investing in."  
  
"No, I do not. I mean, it's pleasant to have tasks like these done by others from time to time." She paused, continuing to work. "Don't you think?"  
  
He made a non-committal noise.  
  
They sat there in a quiet punctuated only by the noise of the brush through his hair, until Dumbledore's head appeared in the fireplace.  
  
"Headmaster," said Snape with a start, moving to stand up, but Allosia put a hand on his shoulder in a command to stay.  
  
"I'm sorry to disturb you two," said the head, "I was hoping you wouldn't mind me stopping by for a bit, I wanted to discuss some things about tonight's events."  
  
"Certainly, Albus," said Allosia, earning her a sharp glance from Snape. She continued to brush his hair as Dumbledore popped into the room from the floo system with a few coughs and a small cloud of dust.  
  
Snape made to stand again, but this time Dumbledore stopped him. "There's no need, Severus," he said, taking the chair opposite them. "Having your hair dressed by someone beautiful who bears you affection before a battle is an ancient and proud tradition. I would do nothing to stop it, especially here," he said warmly, smiling at them both.  
  
Allosia smiled, and mouthed, "thank you" at the older man, while Snape glanced away, before saying "as you wish, Albus," somewhat uncomfortably.  
  
"What I wanted to talk about, is what arrangements we may need to make as regards young Malfoy," said the Headmaster.  
  
"He will be looked after. My main concern is that you come up with something to tell Pomfrey as it is somewhat likely the boy will need her attentions over the next week or so. I'd be happy to deal with it myself, but you know that woman doesn't believe a damn thing I say and I'm somewhat uninterested in Malfoy thinking I have some sort of new respect for him thanks to his initiation." The final word came out very bitter. "He needs to feel anything but empowered by this."  
  
"Yes, yes, I quite agree. When are you leaving us this evening?"  
  
"Six, I'm taking the carriage, if that's alright."  
  
"That's fine, I think it wise."  
  
"I've asked Allosia to be here this evening, by the way, so if she is needed for anything, or you need to talk to her," Snape trailed off and Dumbledore looked from him to her sadly.  
  
"What?" she said harshly, "in case you get yourself killed."  
  
"I'll be fine," Snape said sullenly.  
  
"That he will," Dumbledore said with some more reassurance, "although I'm quite glad you'll be here to look after him."  
  
"If I may ask, since Severus has his own interpretations of these things, to what degree is," she paused, "this, common knowledge?"  
  
"Well," he said chuckling, "Minerva is still upset about that little flying incident by her window."  
  
Snape groaned.  
  
"And," Dumbledore continued, "Madam Hooch has always had a keen eye for your ability to cause trouble,"  
  
Snape snorted and Allosia tried not tto laugh, his threat of Obliviate still hanging over her..  
  
"But beyond that," Dumbledore concluded, "other than the suspicions of our dear students who are generally more curious about anything not occurring in a classroom, I think your secret is safe with me. It helps of course, that most everyone in the school is afraid of at least one of you."  
  
Allosia laughed out loud, and Snape rolled his eyes.  
  
"So in otherwords," Snape said, "everyone knows."  
  
"You see what I mean, Albus?" Allosia said in a conspirational stage whisper.  
  
The headmaster chuckled and stood. "I have many things to attend to today, and so will be off. Severus, your report can wait until morning if there is nothing that needs immediate action."  
  
"Thank you, sir, but that won't be - "  
  
"It will be quite necessary, Severus. You are not the only one with a life around here."  
  
And with a wink, Dumbeldore threw a pinch of powder into the floo, declared his office as his destination, and was gone. 


	37. the estate

All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
And yes, they will "knock boots", "do the deed", etc. etc. etc, soon. I swear.  
  
But first, Malfoy's party.  
  
  
  
--------  
  
As Snape shined his dress boots for the evening, Allosia looked at him curiously.  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
"I hate that question, Allosia."  
  
"Why don't you let the house elves do things like that?"  
  
"First," he said, looking up at her, "because of the nature of my arrangement, I have no dominion here, they are not obligated to serve me and hence take no particular pleasure in doing so."  
  
"Surely, Dumbeldore -"  
  
"Could change that? Certainly, I'd even imagine he has, but I quite frankly find them to also be incompetent. Much like your opinion on magical hair brushing."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"There," he said putting the boots down and smiling. "Why don't you go to your rooms and get your class work or some such, so you have something to do down here other than be a bookworm."  
  
"I was actually planning on snooping," Allosia said, casually.  
  
Snape laughed at this. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't keep a diary."  
  
"That's actually horrifying to imagine," Allosia said dryly.  
  
"Go get your papers," he said, gesturing at the fireplace.  
  
  
  
When she returned, he was dressed and she couldn't help but pause for a moment to admire him. "You look even more elegant than usual," she said.  
  
"Your compliments are so careful."  
  
"If my compliments were less careful, Severus, I'd leave those clothes of yours in quite a disarray."  
  
He laughed and tilted his head to acknowledge her point. "I need to go now. You know the charms for the door, yes?"  
  
Allosia nodded.  
  
"Good, you're welcome here, I've set things so that the room will not object to your presence without me."  
  
"Layers within layers."  
  
"Of course."  
  
The clothes had changed him, she observed, made him cold and formal. She watched as he slipped his cloak on, completing the outfit, and then caught up his travelling cloak from a hook by the door.  
  
"No, Allosia," he stopped her with his soft voice as she started to approach. "I'll be back soon enough and I'd rather kiss you then."  
  
She nodded, silently. When she heard the door click closed behind him she took a moment to walk around, to think about the absurdity, that for tonight anyway, she was part of home to him.  
  
  
  
The ride to the Malfoy estate was long, and Snape was grateful for it. It gave him the time to slowly remove his awareness of his subterfuge and of the joys of his current life. Left with his intellect and his fears and the perverse pleasure he took in both, he slowly constructed his other identity over them. Impatient, decadent and lacking in respect for everyone and everything, except when it was a useful tool, except when it came to Voldemort.  
  
As the carriage pulled into the entrance of the estate, he couldn't help but be impressed by its beauty. Hundreds of tiny lights lit the grounds around the house, and he wished for a moment that Allosia could see this, that this could be something other than what it was. He took a moment to think of her, curled by the fire in his rooms, and then eliminated his awareness of her again. She was just a child he had fucked a very long time ago.  
  
The carriage pulled to a stop, and Snape climbed out, pausing for a second to look up at the mansion, before making his way up the shallow steps of the walkway. The carriage drove away to park.  
  
The door of the mansion stood open, and two identical greeters flanked its sides. Snape nodded to them, and dipped his head as he entered. Removing his travelling cloak with a flourish he handed it to the waiting house-elf and made his way towards the salon.  
  
The mood was festive, and the candlelight against the mauve walls flattered everyone. Here, much to Snape's relief, things were dignified, people chatted and snacked, and he suspected many of them were not even entirely aware of just what tonight was a celebration of. He caught snippets of conversations, praising both Lucius and Draco, expressing annoyance at the Ministry, talking about the business of professional Quidditch and mentioning the latest fashions. How dreary, Snape thought, and grimaced accordingly. He was amused to note that his presence here seemed to cause as much discomfort as anywhere else. It was, in its way, a relief.  
  
He glanced up to find a beaming Lucius by his side and far too close.  
  
"Hello, Lucius," Snape said with a more significant aristocratic lengthening of the syllables than usual.  
  
"Severus," he said, his voice not dissimilar, although pitched slightly higher and clearly intoxicated in some form.  
  
"How's Draco?" he asked warmly.  
  
"Well, well." The father beamed. "My concerns about his fortitude seem as if they were unfounded, or at least will be unfounded in the future."  
  
"I'm glad for you." Snape said softly. The struggle to get the words out sounding like genuine concern.  
  
"Come downstairs old friend, it's much more interesting than this," Lucius said making an expansive gesture to the room.  
  
"That," Snape said tightly, "I don't doubt." 


	38. blood

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Warning, this chapter is a bit disturbing. This is the Malfoy party, blood, gore and sex in inappropriate and unpleasant combinations. It's graphic and weird. Don't bitch me out about this, I'm not real interested.  
  
If you want to skip it for the next chapter (and I don't think it's that distressing, but I thought I'd give you the option), the gist is, Snape is essentially ordered to sleep with Allosia as his motivations towards her and as a Death Eater are suspect.  
  
----------  
  
Snape descended the curving staircase, several steps behind Lucius. He looked at his former classmate's profile, he was aging well, perhaps too well. Lucius sensed the attention and smiled slightly.  
  
Snape, repulsed, turned his attention to the room they were entering. In the far corner was Draco Malfoy, reclining in a large chair, his brow damp and his eyes, with bruising evident under them, half closed. One hand rested in the hair of a naked red-headed girl sitting on the floor who couldn't have been older than him. Her posture was awkward and Snape wondered absently if she were still alive and if the younger Malfoy had noticed either way.  
  
"He takes after you," Snape muttered.  
  
"You sound so bitter, Severus," Malfoy said, his eyebrows arching.  
  
"Why shouldn't I?" his voice was short.  
  
"Draco told me you have a bit of excitement at hand."  
  
"Did he now? Draco has a habit of misinterpreting things, as I'm sure you well know."  
  
"Be that as it may, I was almost enchanted to hear that you had taken up with Allosia again. Perhaps your peculiar fascination with her will even be useful for a change."  
  
"That is the intent, Lucius." His voice was hard, and he hoped, convincing.  
  
"Is that why you're being so gentle with her?"  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"It's my understanding you haven't even bedded her yet."  
  
"Do I want to know how you found that out?"  
  
"Do you really suppose your body as any privacy from him?"  
  
"I wasn't aware our Lord was concerned with my sexual activity, considering he doesn't seem particularly concerned about yours either," Snape said nastily, gesturing around the room, where not a few people were playing with whores of both genders. He tried not to wince and cast his gaze elsewhere as he saw one of the guests, wearing rings ornamented with small knives slip their hand under one of the prostitutes' skirts.  
  
"Considering the complexity of the role you seem to have been chosen to play, you deserve a bit more scrutiny than the rest of us, don't you think?"  
  
Snape shrugged. "If you say so," trying to sound bored. "Now, what other entertainments do you have, other than the obvious?"  
  
"Being faithful?" Malfoy asked.  
  
"Hardly," Snape said. "Afterall, like you said, I haven't even fucked her yet."  
  
The older Malfoy laughed obnoxiously, and Snape felt a small sense of relief.  
  
"Well, hopefully she's gotten better with age," the blond man said off- handedly.  
  
"Indeed," Snape said through clenched teeth.  
  
"By the way, may I suggest you find out promptly?"  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Meaning there are some concerns about your intent towards her."  
  
"I need to develop trust if she's going to be a useful information source to me, to any of us. You should be grateful for my finesse."  
  
"My advice is very serious, Severus, bed her and get something useful out of her or whatever arrangement you have with her is only going to get more complicated."  
  
Snape nodded. "Your concern touches me, as ever."  
  
"Come, you wanted to see other amusements," Malfoy said, leading Snape towards the back of the room, as they passed the chair with his son in it, he ruffled his hair and Snape noticed both that the girl was dead and that the boy's trousers were not properly fastened. He felt cold.  
  
Malfoy passed through a hidden door, and Snape followed him. The room was small, compact, and populated by four people other than themselves and the naked woman lying on the table that was the room's centerpiece. A man who Snape recognized, but didn't know personally, had straddled the woman's hips and was carving magical symbols into the her back with a scalpel. She, in turn, was barely reacting, but she seemed far from uncomfortable.  
  
Snape walked around to the end of the table where the woman's head was and crouched down to look at her face. She opened her eyes and looked at him.  
  
"Hello there," he said.  
  
"Hello," she said. Her voice was thick, but she didn't seem entirely unaware of her surroundings.  
  
"Are you having fun?" Snape asked dryly.  
  
Malfoy chuckled and rolled his eyes.  
  
She closed her eyes and smiled, before declaring, "Yes."  
  
"What does it feel like?" he asked, his eyes glittering.  
  
"The pain after sex, all over."  
  
Snape raised his eyes to Malfoy, and said quietly, "poetic, too," before turning his attention back to the woman. "What's your name?" he asked, reaching to touch her face, but looking first to Malfoy to make sure it would not disrupt the magical operation. He nodded his permission, and he reached out for the girl's face, she twisted her head around and sucked his thumb into her mouth. Snape made a sound of startled pleasure and the occupants of the room all laughed.  
  
"Sorry, sweetheart," he said, pulling his hand away and standing.  
  
"What a way to go, eh?"  
  
"So kind of you, Lucius, losing your touch?"  
  
"No," he said dipping his finger into the blood on her back. "I just think it's funny, plus, it's easier to do the work if the subject is entertained."  
  
"Clearly," he said.  
  
"Taste," the older Malfoy said, holding his bloodied finger about an inch from Snape's face.  
  
Snape for his part looked at him warily and realized he'd best accept the offer, lest the situation get uglier. He flicked his tongue out at Malfoy's outstretched finger and then backed away. He winced at the tang of the blood and then found he couldn't force his lungs to open for air for a good three heartbeats as the pain washed over him.  
  
"That, is what she's really feeling," the blond man said, sucking the rest of the blood off of his own finger and beginning to pace around the room as Snape came back to himself and tried to look bored.  
  
"You liked that, didn't you?"  
  
"You know I find extremes intellectually interesting, Lucius. I realize everything may be sexual for you, but I assure you, that's not a common affliction," Snape said with some irritation.  
  
"Poor Allosia," he responded in a sing-song voice.  
  
"I've heard your advice, is there other commentary you need to make on the subject?"  
  
"No, not really. At any rate, I've wasted enough time irritating you. Do make sure to congratulate my son before you avail yourself further of the entertainments." As Malfoy gestured, the woman on the table bucked and groaned. Snape glanced over to see a heavy woman with brown curly hair feeding the victim her own blood off her fingers.  
  
Snape shot them a condescending look and walked out of the room. "So much wasted knowledge," he hissed under his breath. Everyone here was a reminder as to why he treated his smart students the worst. Most of the time innovation lead to nothing more than this.  
  
Re-entering the larger room, Snape figured he'd get his audience with the newest Death Eater out of the way. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up across from the young Malfoy's whose eyes fluttered open.  
  
"How are you?" Snape asked with some genuine concern for the child.  
  
The boy's eyes looked miserable and his only response was to hold out the arm with the mark.  
  
"It suits you," Snape said, at a loss for anything else.  
  
"I suppose," he said, playing with the girl's hair for a moment before her head lolled at an odd angle and slid off the chair. "Ooops," he said flatly and she crashed to the ground. "What was yours like, Professor?"  
  
Snape noticed the sudden respect from the boy. Odd timing, certainly, but entirely understandable. "It was as uniquely awful for me as it was for you, but beyond that you do not need to know," he said kindly.  
  
The boy smiled slightly at this.  
  
"Surely though, you must be excited. You count in your own right now as few others, especially few others your age, can claim to."  
  
"Yes," he said, drawing himself up and kicking at the corpse. Blood from her mouth spilled across Snape's shoe. He grabbed the girl by the hair and propped her up against the wall.  
  
"Show respect for your playthings, you're an adult now," he said coldly.  
  
That insidious Malfoy smile showed itself again. "You're quite right, Professor, thank you."  
  
"By the way," Snape said, getting right up in the boy's face, "you're fully responsible for your own actions now, which means next time I ask you to keep something to yourself, you will."  
  
"They were already aware -"  
  
"Sorry Draco, not relevant. I trust you'll manage to make it to potions on Monday?"  
  
"Of course. I have so much to learn now," he said, letting his eyes flutter closed again.  
  
Snape stood, strode to the front of the room and ascended the stairs, the evening's obligations met. 


	39. mercy

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
This chapter concludes the sequence of events at the Malfoy residence. This is also grotesque although in a somewhat different way than 38. Again, you may want to skip this, although it's somewhat key to what happens next, although the outline of it will be explained by Snape when he gets back to Hogwarts as he does at the end of this chapter.  
  
--------  
  
As Snape emerged from the Malfoy mansion, he was deeply thankful for the crisp and clean night air.  
  
Refusing the assistance of the door attendants, he made his way down the front steps and made a left towards the parking area. Hearing voices from the trees, he paused, before choosing to wander the grounds in search of useful information, and perhaps a little peace before returning home to Hogwarts.  
  
Despite his disgust at the party, none of it was surprising, and he had, all in all gotten off easier than expected. Walking, amongst the dark, with sighs of lovers heard behind hedges, Snape allowed himself to think of Allosia. On one level, wisdom demanded he tell her as little as possible of the evening, and certainly nothing about his conversation with the older Malfoy. But on another, she was no innocent, and she was on their radar now, because of him. There was little doubt she had some sort of right to know, even without consideration for their budding relationship. Snape knew in his heart she was going to be furious, and he suspected his dread of that was part of what was keeping him on these foul grounds.  
  
As he walked deeper into the planned woods, he heard voices and found that his body and mind had tensed to alertness. Two men, laughing, and something rustling, a quavering noise, an animal. Taunting it. Nothing useful. Snape turned, and began to walk away, annoyed, when something burst through the trees bumping into him. Reflexively he grabbed at it, slamming it against a tree and pinning it there with his own body. It was a woman, clothes tattered, eyes wild and hair like Allosia's when she was young. Snape shuddered for a moment as she continued to stare at him, shaking.  
  
"Can you hear me?" he whispered.  
  
She shook her head yes.  
  
"Can you speak?" he asked.  
  
She shook her head no.  
  
"Have you been hexed?"  
  
She nodded and looked down, he took a step back, arms still holding her to the tree and looked down at her. Her flesh and what lay beneath was as tattered as her clothes. Snape doubted very much she could be healed.  
  
Putting his hands on either side of her face, he stared into her eyes, turning her head this way and that. They had cursed her so that she'd be utterly terrified, so terrified she would not have it in her to speak. Snape shook his head and made a noise of disgust, as if these wounds wouldn't be enough to terrify.  
  
"Are you in pain?" he asked.  
  
She nodded, and rolled her eyes.  
  
He made a soothing noise at her. "I don't know your name, and you can't tell me," he said sadly. "My name is Severus, and I want to help you, do you understand?"  
  
She nodded again, very hurriedly.  
  
"Good, good," he said smoothing the hair from her face again. "I can't heal you though, do you understand?"  
  
She nodded again, and pressed her eyes closed.  
  
"Don't be scared, please, don't be scared, sweet." He bit his lip. "Will you let me end this? Give you some peace?"  
  
She nodded again, weakly.  
  
"Alright, hush now, hush," he said as he fumbled in his robes for his wand. He held it to her head and muttered a sleeping charm, and he exhaled with relief as her eyes closed and her face relaxed. Putting the wand away, he listened, heard the men whispering to each other, that she must be here somewhere. He continued to make soothing noises, even as she slept now. He smiled at her weakly, and made to sit on the ground, bringing her with him. With her torso pressed up against his own, he pinched her nose shut and covered her mouth with his hand, and waited, unblinking until after a few brief spasms, she stopped breathing.  
  
The men crashed into his field of vision.  
  
"Where is she?" they asked, out of breath, but only vaguely alarmed.  
  
He looked up at them, and used his sadness to fake calm, "you should keep track of your toys better, lest other people break them," he said, leaning her against the tree, and attempting to brush his robes off as he stood. "What was her name?" he asked, coolly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because the memory serves me better with all the details," he said in the best imitation of Malfoy he could muster.  
  
The men looked to each other and shrugged.  
  
"Graceless bastards," he spat and walked away, now dirty robes billowing behind him.  
  
  
  
As his carriage pulled away from the estate he allowed himself to consider the evening and found himself cold and shaking. Lucius' sexual decadence and cruelty had ceased amusing him the moment he had realized the man wasn't all talk. Lucius had understood that for some years, and had never stopped finding it absurd. "We can have anything we desire, and all you want, is books?" he had asked Snape so many times. Snape for his part, had never understood how the man was incapable of connecting knowledge and power. It was when he had realized people like Lucius were anything but the exception to the rule amongst the Death Eaters, and that Voldemort, worse than supporting their actions, just didn't care one way or the other that he had started to question his allegiance. The issue, had not been a matter of right and wrong, but simply one of intelligence. These people were not worthy of him. It was only later that his heart caught up to his intellectual conclusions. Teaching the children of women he had murdered no doubt helped that process. Dumbledore was clever and Dumbledore was kind, but he was not so much gentle as people suspected.  
  
Snape leaned his head against the carriage window and closed his eyes. He focused on his breathing and pretended for just a moment, that there was nothing in the world beyond it. That peace lasted only a few moments though, before the image of the dead girl in the woods came to him. He had had no choice. They would have continued to torture her otherwise, using both their bodies and multiple Unforgivables. Dumbledore would understand, but he would not be able to take the fact of her death away. Allosia, well, Snape didn't know what she would say. At least he had warned her.  
  
  
  
He felt relief, more than anything as the carriage pulled up to the castle with the small set of rooms that were his home. As he followed the corridors, a bone weary exhaustion overtook him. It had been a hard night, and his muscles were beginning to cramp from the exertion of control that had been necessary over his fear, anger and sadness.  
  
He opened the door, and Allosia looked up at him from the far chair. Snape smiled and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them he found her approaching.  
  
"Sit," he said, hoarsely.  
  
She looked confused. Whispered, "Severus."  
  
"I still have blood on me," and then, as her face turned to alarm, "No, I'm fine, I'm not hurt. Just, please, let me get cleaned up first."  
  
She sat then, with a nod and a swallow and looked up at him with pleading eyes as he walked towards the bathroom.  
  
"It's fine Allosia, it'll all be fine," he said, but his voice was flat. 


	40. trust

Disclaimer -  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Thanks for sticking with me, and to all my lovely multiple reviewers who have been enthusiastic and moved by this, it's been a real interesting writing experience thus far.  
  
I do have the next several sections planned out, although I am unsure of where I am going to take it from there - perhaps the beginning of a sequel with new perils to be faced, not sure.  
  
But yes, they will knock boots by the end of this tale, which still has quite a few chapters left to go. If I don't write that particularly graphically (it remains to be seen what the characters will demand of me), I will cover that topic in a separate NC-17, one chapter fic.  
  
In addition, I am planning to do some prequels, both on the subject of Snape and Hooch (in the meantime, do read Simone Magus' Flying - it's not my take on them, but it's a hell of a lot of fun - read it, make her write more) and on the three years Allosia and Snape were students together.  
  
--------------  
  
Allosia watched him walk into the bathroom and close the door. It wasn't a slam, but it was very pointed. He wanted to be left alone and she had a sudden odd memory of the night he'd been hurt and had asked her to wait out here to make sure he didn't drown. Illogical, but he had wanted the company. She wasn't wearing his kimono then.  
  
She had put it on shortly after returning from the evening meal, it had the scent of him, flesh and something oddly crisp, almost like fennel. Whatever magic one spent the most time around, changed a person. Potions, she didn't doubt, were performing some sort of long, slow alchemy on him. She suspected it contributed to his distance from others in some small degree.  
  
She listened to the water run, he was filling the bath and would clearly be a long time, she sighed, and went to pick up her book again, but had a thought instead.  
  
Going to his cabinet, she took out a bottle of wine and opened it. Even if he didn't want any, she suspected she would shortly. She poured herself a glass, took a sip, and then poured one for him, before padding over to the bathroom with it. She kicked at the door lightly with her foot and got no response.  
  
"Severus?" she asked quietly.  
  
Still silence.  
  
"I'm letting you alone, I just wanted to know if you'd like a glass of wine."  
  
She could almost hear him pause, and think. "Yes, Gods, thank you," he said as if it were a most revolutionary concept. She opened the door enough to reach her arm in, and held out the glass for him. He took it and repeated his thanks, before she withdrew her arm from the room, closed the door and went back to her chair, to wait.  
  
When he got out of the bath his mood seemed much improved and wrapped in a robe he seated himself somewhat formally in the chair across from her. They looked at each other then for a long time, waiting for one of them to break the silence.  
  
"I'm glad you're home," she said at last, with an odd look on her face, as if to say, isn't this ridiculous that I should be here.  
  
"Me too." He said running a hand through his hair.  
  
"Want to tell me about it?" she asked, encouragingly.  
  
"I have to," he said, voice dark.  
  
She settled back into her chair and waited.  
  
"I want you to know I am sorry in advance. I am sorry if any of this upsets you, I'm sorry if I tell it incoherently, I'm sorry for being this person, for dragging you into this. Just please," and he paused here, too look at her intently, "please, remember that."  
  
She nodded. "Of course."  
  
"The blood, the blood was from some woman two goons were torturing in the forest by the house. I was wandering around trying to clear my head and she and her exposed intestines crashed into me."  
  
"Oh Gods," Allosia said, a hand starting to come up to cover her mouth.  
  
"They had used all sorts of curses on her, including one to inspire terror, so much so she couldn't even work her mouth to speak. It hardly seems necessary, don't you think, considering?"  
  
Allosia let out an audible breath and shook her head. "Go on," she said.  
  
"I wanted to know her name, but she couldn't tell me, of course. I put a sleeping charm on her. It couldn't be healed, Allosia, it was very ugly and more of an anatomy lesson than I've had in years. I don't even know how she was standing."  
  
Allosia nodded.  
  
"I talked to her, a little bit first. She seemed to understand me, could shake her head yes and no. At any rate, I sat on the ground with her, and held her, and closed her mouth and nose." He paused here at length examining the inside of his flexing hand for several moments before looking up at Allosia again. "She died just before the fellows playing with her stumbled on us. She had your hair. Well, your old hair."  
  
"Cerriwden," Allosia exclaimed softly. "I'm sorry. I - " she said, pulling on her lip, at a loss for words.  
  
"It's alright, I was fairly speechless too. At any rate, Draco's alright, although he looked miserable about everything and I haven't the slightest idea if that's a permanent condition or not. He had some dead girl with him too, who bled on my shoes I might add."  
  
It wasn't his sudden coldness that bothered her, but how perfunctory it all seemed to him on some level.  
  
"Lucius is as depraved as ever. I got to watch his friends practice sex magic on some woman before he tried to get me to lick her blood off his fingers."  
  
"Did you?" Allosia asked.  
  
"What do you think?" he replied, annoyed.  
  
"Yes," she whispered.  
  
"Yes, and it stopped my lungs from opening for several seconds, which considering the various highlights of the evening seems rather trivial at the moment."  
  
"What else happened, I have a feeling I'm missing the punch line."  
  
Snape sighed, and leaned back in his chair. "There are concerns about us."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Apparently, Lord Volemort has a level of awareness about the state of my flesh thanks to this mark, and unfortunately, because of you, that's just become interesting."  
  
"Severus, this is not a time to be subtle, I need to know exactly what you're telling me if you want a reaction."  
  
"A reaction is precisely what I don't want, Allosia. Voldemort and Lucius both know that something's going on between us. They also both know I haven't, as Lucius put it, bedded you yet, and it was strongly, strongly suggested to me that I rectify that promptly and get some useful information out of you for it,, before my motivations become suspect."  
  
Allosia just stared at him, her mouth slowly opening. She bolted out of her chair and turned her back to him pacing. Snape felt his body tense. She turned to face him.  
  
"You're trying to tell me, that after not knowing you for twenty years, because you fucked me, and then never spoke to me again so you could impress your Death Eater buddies, that I have for some inexplicable fucking reason gotten tangled up in your life again so it can happen all over? Oh yeah, and you killed a girl tonight too."  
  
Snape just stared at her. Now it was his turn for his mouth to hang open. She was furious, she was also being damn unnecessary about the whole thing. "No. What I am trying to tell you, is that we've lost the ability for this to take its natural course. Whatever we do now, there's an elephant sitting in the middle of the table, and on some level we're going to have to work with the Ministry so that you can participate in this game with me. Or you can leave, right now. But those are the options as I see them, and I am so sorry." His voice deepened and slowed at the end of this.  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to trust you?" she yelled.  
  
"I will do anything I can," he said shaking his head.  
  
"What can you do?" she said, fury evident in her voice.  
  
"Promises, oaths," he was wracking his brain for an eloquence that just simply wasn't there after an already difficult night.  
  
"Look at your arm and tell me those mean anything from you."  
  
"That was a low blow, Allosia."  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
"I love you, Allosia." He said it very softly, in the voice most people found deadly.  
  
"Now I know why you wouldn't say it last night," she said tightly and turned her back to him.  
  
It was too much, he stood and went to her, and gripping her by the shoulders turned her to face him. She stared up at him with her arms crossed against her chest.  
  
"What in Hades do you want from me? Here, do you want hair, here!" he yelled as he yanked out a dozen or so strands of his hair and threw them at her. "Would blood help? I'll give you that too," and she watched in horror as he tried to scratch blood from him arm.  
  
"What you don't seem to understand, Severus," she said calmly, "is that those generous offers only give me the possibility of vengeance. They don't make me trust you. Hell, I'd be surprised if you didn't want my vengeance."  
  
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again, before turning from her and turning back. "What do you want? Name a price, tell me what it will take."  
  
She thought for a moment. "Vertiaserum."  
  
"Alright, when?"  
  
"I won't put you through that tonight," she said, bowing her head.  
  
"Thank you," he said, his anger and despair still evident. "Do you think I was wrong, by the way, to kill that girl?"  
  
"I don't know. How did it feel to you?" she asked.  
  
He smiled slightly then. The curious child he remembered was back. "Intimate, weird, very sad. I'd like to know her name."  
  
She nodded, processing the knowledge.  
  
"It was hard not to think of you."  
  
"The hair?"  
  
"No, just wanting to be back here."  
  
She nodded. "Can you accept that while I don't trust you right now, I do believe you?"  
  
"If you can live with it, I certainly can. It's more than I deserve."  
  
"No, no Severus. I'd say it's about right," her voice was still tight, and still smug, but there was just enough give there for him to hope.  
  
"I'm going to bed, are you coming?" she asked, walking back towards the alcove.  
  
"Allosia, I don't understand," he said.  
  
"If I didn't want to trust you, if I didn't want to stay, do you think I'd be so angry with you?" she asked, looking at him over her shoulder, before disappearing behind the wall. 


	41. control

Disclaimers and randomness:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Warning, fairly graphic, plot-relevant descriptions of sexual activity ahead, although, this is not what you've been waiting for. So much for my delusions of keeping this thing dignified.  
  
  
  
----------------  
  
"No," she said grabbing his arm, hard.  
  
"Excuse me?" he asked harshly, still trying to head towards the bathroom.  
  
"You sleep in the nude tonight."  
  
"Allosia." His voice was warning.  
  
"Considering this might be the last time, I'd at least like to know what it feels like," her tone seemed to be permanently set on biting.  
  
"'Sia." He was gentler now, sad.  
  
She flicked her wand, taking most of the light out of the room, threw off her clothes and jumped into the bed. Even if he had been blind, he would have known she was sitting with her back against the headboard and her arms crossed under her breasts.  
  
He sighed, and removed his robe before holding it out as far from his body as his arm would let him and dropping it, pointedly. "Do you have any idea," he asked, climbing into the bed, "how angry I am with you?"  
  
"It's nice to know the feeling is mutual," she said, sliding her head down the pillow and rolling onto her side to face him.  
  
"Am I supposed to touch you now?" his voice held a note of disgust.  
  
"No. You're supposed to lie there nervously with the understanding that you're in no position to do anything but humor me," she said, quite sincerely, as she reached out a hand and ran it lightly down his chest.  
  
He moved quickly, more quickly than most would have expected of him, and certainly more quickly than she was prepared for after such a long night. Suddenly, he loomed above her, hands holding her arms to the bed, and one leg thrown across her thighs, pinning her in place. "Don't forget," he said, ruthless smile evident in the dark,"You would have made a great Slytherin, but you are not in fact a Slytherin. Beyond our friendship you were not educated that way and you were not raised that way, and whatever game you're playing at, I will win, and if you don't want that, you ought to withdraw."  
  
Allosia said nothing, and as if to emphasize that fact, Snape let out a short laugh. As his eyes focused on her in the dark he was pleased to see that at least her fury hadn't slipped, that at least she wasn't afraid of him. That was something.  
  
He dipped his head and kissed her, hard, seeking to bruise her lips, fight her mouth, and she responded in kind.  
  
"You still want me," he breathed, coming up for air. He sounded both incredulous and victorious.  
  
"I'd change that if I could," she said.  
  
His laugh again. "You lie," he said, relaxing his grip on her arms and grinding against her for a moment, as if to reinforce the statement.  
  
She glared at him in the dark, breathing heavily from anger as much as arousal.  
  
He lowered himself to her side, and her head turned to follow. He cupped her face in his hand and then spread his fingers, before moving lower, briefly putting an inappropriate pressure on her throat, before exploring her body. He smiled when her eyes flickered closed, but didn't stop running his hands, and occasionally his nails, all over her. He let several small sounds catch in her throat before speaking himself.  
  
His voice was soft and directed, the type of whisper that can be heard only by its intended recipient across a noisy room. "Don't open your eyes," he said with clear threat. "Just listen to me, feel me," his voice gentled and she absently wondered how someone who had so little interest in or understanding of music could sound so intentionally melodic. "Understand," he continued, leaning up to breath the words against her breasts, "that you know me, and that cannot be undone, regardless of trust or betrayal. I know you as well," his lips brushed her skin as he spoke, and she struggled to make the contact more than a flutter, "and you cannot hide your want from me."  
  
In the silence, he continued to caress her slightly shaking and very pale body. When he slipped his hand between her legs and told her to open them, she did. "Very good," he cooed, "very good," flashing briefly on the dead woman from the forest.  
  
He dragged his face and hair across her thigh, before settling between them. For a moment, he just rested his hands on her hips and breathed against her. He had, now and again, thought about this moment for twenty years. This had not fit into the script, or the location, when they were students. He watched her, so expectant, so relaxed, so absolutely as his mercy.  
  
So he gasped when she grabbed his hair, hard, and pulled his mouth to her cunt.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" she asked with a bemused growl, not slacking the pressure on the back of his head one bit.  
  
He laughed into her then, the first genuine mirth he had felt all day. She may have wanted to kill him, she may have been intending to never speak to him again, but in that moment he was sure of only two things, that she tasted of lemons, and was, without any question, as much of a Slytherin as himself.  
  
  
  
Her small voice and seeking hips told him she was starting to loose herself to him. He moved his hands from her breasts then, and slid them into her own, which had fallen from his hair to her sides. She grabbed at his fingers tightly, and Snape felt his heart ache at the sweetness and honesty of the moment. And then he sat up.  
  
She gasped, as if all the air had just been removed from the room. Her eyes flashed open and he laughed out loud, not entirely cruelly.  
  
"You're good, but I'm better. You lose yourself, and this is what I can do to you."  
  
"Severus," she panted at him.  
  
"What?" he asked, crisply, lying down on top of her.  
  
"Please don't stop," she said, still searching for the air.  
  
A small chuckle then, "but I already have," and he slipped to her side. Again, his hand found its way between her legs. He slipped one of his long fingers inside of her. She was lost again, and he marveled at the beauty of it.  
  
"Please -" she gasped.  
  
"Please what?"  
  
"Fuck me."  
  
"No," his voice was hard, reminding them both how much this wasn't a game anymore.  
  
"Please -" her voice was more desperate now, so he pulled his hand away and quickly turned her onto her side.  
  
Throwing a leg over her and pressing her hands to the bed, he said, "No, you'll wait until this is resolved. We both will."  
  
"Don't you ever lose control?" she groaned, pressing her ass against him in a way that made the issue come into very sharp focus.  
  
"Yes, I do, Allosia." He sounded surprisingly gentle and his breath was only slightly ragged. "And when I've passed your tests, I'll let you see that." He kissed her temple then. "Sleep now."  
  
Despite his plea, they both lay awake, silently, in the dark for hours, curled around each other. Near dawn, he finally drifted off, and when he woke, she was gone. 


	42. a request

Most everything not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Madam Hooch's first name belongs to Simone Magus, who is writing a different tale of Snape and Hooch.  
  
Yes, Snape does eventually lose control, but one of the things I'm really interested in in his character is what it takes to live the life he does, which at its core means being VERY tightly wound.  
  
----------  
  
When he opened his eyes to find himself alone in the bed, he knew instinctively that she had gone, but he still forced himself to get up, to check, just to be sure. Once he was, all he could do was find his way back to bed to think, to doze, and to hold onto the fading notion that Allosia could ever be someone he'd be able to come home to.  
  
"It would help if you had a home, Severus," he muttered to himself before curling into a ball and drawing the blankets over his head. The world and his meeting with Dumbledore would simply have to wait until lunchtime.  
  
He sighed in his cocoon and wondered if things would be different if he had given into her last night. It would certainly have made him more human, which might have been more convincing than any exercise in truth she had planned.  
  
Vertitaserum. He had so many dreads associated with it, and with her. He was experienced enough at defeating it, a skill developed from years of telling the exact, technical and minimal truth in every situation he could, and that was part of the problem. He'd have to let it work, have to give up the habits that had kept him alive for so long. Even for a few hours, this struck him as a deeply dangerous thing that Allosia would not take the pleasure she expected in.  
  
The other problems were all logistical. Allosia was going to look for ways to not trust him, and so brewing the stuff himself was out of the question. He also doubted that she could do it without his assistance, as ever, she had all the knowledge, but it was the precision she lacked.  
  
With a groan, he realized he was going to have to ask Dumbledore if he could requisition some from the Ministry. And so, on top of his guilt over the events at the party and his anger and misery when it came to Allosia, it now occurred to him to be embarrassed as well. While people generally annoyed and disappointed him, it was rare that he had this little desire to see another human ever again.  
  
  
  
As he stepped into the Great Hall he was relieved to see that Allosia had probably decided to sleep through lunch. At least her insanity was good for something. Glancing down the student tables he noted that Malfoy was still among the missing, and that Potter and his little gang were, as usual, animatedly whispering about something.  
  
He stopped beside their place at the Gryffindor table, and allowed himself a slow smile. They were too engrossed in their gossip to even notice him. All the better. He leaned down slowly, casting a shadow over them. The Weasley boy continued talking, but Potter seemed to sense something was wrong and Granger went dead still. "I thought," he declared loudly, making Ron jump and Harry groan, "that Gryffindors specialized in courage and bravery. So why is it then, that none of you can ever figure out that discretion is the better part of valour?" He glared down at them like he expected an answer, but none of them dared. "Five points from Gryffindor," he declared and stalked off to take his seat at the head table.  
  
It was petty of him, he realized. After all, he didn't even know what they were talking about, but he had still enjoyed it and he had to take this mood out on someone.  
  
  
  
As the meal ended, Dumbledore approached him. "Walk with me, Severus," he said, and Snape nodded grimly.  
  
As they exited the castle, Snape started to see Hana Hooch sitting on the front steps of the castle, with her broom at her feet, talking animatedly with Allosia who had her head back in a full laugh. She caught his eye then and he smiled at her grimly, before she looked away. At least she had the decency to be embarrassed by this mess.  
  
"Perhaps I should give you my report in your office, Albus," Snape said, looking to hide from at least some of his immediate problems.  
  
"The sunlight will no doubt do us both good, come," he said and swept ahead of him and down the stairs.  
  
Snape couldn't help but shoot a disapproving glance at Hooch and Allosia as he drifted down the stairs.  
  
  
  
As they walked, Snape filled Dumbledore in on the events of the previous evening. Much like with Allosia, he told the story of the Malfoy party backwards. Dumbledore seemed particularly interested in Draco's state of mind, and they speculated at length whether it might be possible to turn him from his new avocation. Snape was disgusted with himself as he explained just how dangerous that would be to his own mission.  
  
"If he changes his mind, he changes his mind, but not only can I have no hand in that, it's my obligation in many ways, to make sure he doesn't."  
  
Dumbledore had sighed heavily at this, and as they walked, Snape kept his head bowed, waiting for the anger and disappointment from the older man that he felt must be inevitable.  
  
Instead, the headmaster merely sighed, and said "had I known what pains logic can create, I would have made a point to go insane at a very young age."  
  
Eventually, Snape gave Dumbledore the barest of outlines as to what had happened when he had returned to Hogwarts before asking him to acquire the Vertitaserum.  
  
Dumbledore hummed to himself for a moment, and then turned sharply to the professor. "Severus, I'll be honest with you. I think this is a terrible idea."  
  
"So do I," he muttered.  
  
"Trust, is not a thing that comes from facts. This experiment, and I call it that because I know you both, and I can't imagine it will occur under controlled or appropriate circumstances, will at best produce facts, but not meaning, and not trust."  
  
"It's also going to give me a hell of a migraine."  
  
Dumbledore ignore this remark, and continued. "Have you no reservations about this?"  
  
"Of course I have reservations about this, Albus! I just see very little alternative. I would be personally indebted to you for whatever assistance you could offer, and completely understand if you refuse me. That said," Snape paused here for effect, "considering the conversation I had with Lucius' Allosia's willingness to deal with me is directly relevant to larger goals now."  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "I will have to think on this Severus. It is complex, and I worry about you both."  
  
"Thank you. You know I try not to ask for much here," he said bowing his head.  
  
Dumbledore put a hand on Snape's shoulder. "I know that you have much to make peace with and your mistakes have been very grave, but the self- abasement serves none of us. I wish you would more enjoy the life you are somewhat lucky to have."  
  
"Albus," he said through gritted teeth, "I'm trying."  
  
Dumbeldore laughed then, and Snape just smiled weakly.  
  
"When are we expecting Draco back?" Snape asked.  
  
"His carriage should be arriving after the evening meal."  
  
"I will be available to him, of course."  
  
"Of course."  
  
They walked in silence then. Snape, turning his head back towards the castle noticed Hooch had flown off somewhere, but that Allosia still sat there, watching him. 


	43. the date

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Today, for some inexplicable reason, I've figured out the plot arc of this thing for the next approximately 15 years of their lives (don't worry, they sleep together long before then!). Eeek. So, I know where this section will be ending (probably in about another 10 installments) and then I'll be beginning the sequel - which covers what I mapped out today, and will largely be written in first person chunks. Eeek. I don't know why the voices of these people have become so insistent, but they are, they are.  
  
Thank you all for playing along.  
  
------------  
  
  
  
Snape leaned over to Allosia at Sunday's dinner. "I've asked the Dumbledore's assistance in acquiring what you need for my test. It occurred to me, that there would only be further problems if I were the source." Although he did not smile, he relished the way she tensed with every word.  
  
"Thank you. That was very kind of you," she said softly.  
  
"I rather thought so," he said, turning back to his meal.  
  
Allosia said nothing.  
  
  
  
Allosia was just handing out the week's assignments to her Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff third years, when Dumbledore quietly entered the room. She paused, assuming he had an announcement for the class, but he waved his hands at her to continue.  
  
She managed to, although she was sure her voice quavered slightly.  
  
After the students fled, and she began packing up her books, Dumbledore approached.  
  
"What can I help you with Headmaster?" she asked.  
  
"It is amazing," he said with a slight chuckle, "how they always know when they are in trouble."  
  
"Am I in trouble, Sir?"  
  
"No, no. Not with me anyway, child. It is with yourself, and with Severus, that I worry."  
  
"This is about the Veritaserum," she said understanding.  
  
"This is about the Veritaserum," he echoed her gravely.  
  
"I did not ask him to involve you in this," she said.  
  
"I am glad he did."  
  
"So you can put a stop to it?"  
  
"No, no Allosia, you are, as I have told you both before, adults. But I will not hesitate to tell you, as I told him, that I think this is a terrible idea. Perhaps, you can make me understand it better."  
  
"How much do you know about our friendship as students, Albus?"  
  
"All of it, I am afraid."  
  
"So you are aware then, that we were intimate, and that he stopped talking to me, after that, as a petty way to prove himself to Lucius, to his ticket into being a Death Eater."  
  
"Yes, I am aware of that."  
  
"And then surely, he must have told you that the other night Lucius told him what the next steps in his relationship with me needed to be."  
  
"Yes, yes he told me as much."  
  
"Albus, can't you imagine, that I think I'm about to be thirteen all over again?"  
  
"Veritaserum is no way to prevent that. Surely you know, Severus is quite expert in evading its effects."  
  
"I've been an interrogator for years Albus, and I know him so well."  
  
"Allosia," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "I have seen Severus under the effects of Veritaserum. It is not pretty, or kind. I worry, that in seeking the truth, you will also find more of his frailty than either of you can bear."  
  
"What choice do I have?"  
  
"To trust him. The facts, this exercise, will not build that trust."  
  
"I understand your concerns Albus. Don't think I don't share them, but it is my life, as well as my heart and my ego at stake here, surely, you realize that."  
  
"Yes, I do Allosia, which is why, this is yours, if you do indeed intend to go through with it." He pulled the large vial from his robes then and handed it to her with both hands. "Please, be judicious in this matter. I ask only that you tell me when this will happen, so that I may be available should something go wrong."  
  
"It's not that dangerous Albus."  
  
"No, but both of you are," he said sadly, as he turned to leave.  
  
Allosia examined the vial, moving it between her hands, before shutting her eyes tightly against the tears. She slipped it into her own robes then, feeling some small relief. They could resolve this as soon as she had the stomach for it.  
  
  
  
At Monday night's dinner, it was Allosia who leaned over to Snape. "I'll expect you in my rooms at ten tonight." She wanted to cry, listening to her own voice speak to him as if he were a stranger.  
  
"As you wish," he said softly. From him, it was the sound of humiliation.  
  
Allosia left quickly then, stopping only to whisper something to Dumbledore.  
  
He watched her closely as she hurried out of the Hall, biting the heel of her hand. When he glanced down the table at Snape, he looked away. 


	44. veritaserum

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Mmmm, interrogation scene...  
  
  
  
-------  
  
  
  
"Sit," she said gesturing at a chair that didn't look particularly inviting.  
  
"I've never been in your rooms before," he said, ignoring the request and wandering around. "Nice," he said. "Doesn't look like you spend much time here though."  
  
She smirked at this. "If you would?" she said, gesturing towards the chair.  
  
"Fine." He said it like a sulking child. "Are you going to bind me to it as well?"  
  
"Don't think I'm not tempted," she replied, and despite the situation, traded a flirtatious glance with him. Allosia held up the vial then, as she measured the dose out. "Do you want it cut with anything?" she asked.  
  
"Don't bother."  
  
She passed the glass with the small pool of Veritaserum to him. He studied it for a moment. "That's a large dose," he said. "Your measuring -"  
  
"Is better than when I was younger. I know that's not enough to harm you. I also know you are rather experienced with Veritaserum, and I don't think either of us wants to do this twice."  
  
He thought of several clever rejoinders, but settled on making a face at her instead, before inspiration struck. "I think," he said, holding out the glass to her, "it would be more appropriate, if you administered this."  
  
"Very kind of you to make this amusing for me," she said, taking the glass.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
She walked up to him then, encircled his head with her arm and held the glass to his lips, she titled both his head and the glass back then, and sighed sadly as he drank. When the glass was drained, she released his head and stepped back from him. They stared at each other for a long moment then.  
  
"And now," she said, pulling a chair away from her table and placing it opposite his, "we wait."  
  
  
  
Snape stared at her. At first, it was just because he wanted her to feel as badly about this as possible. But as the minutes ticked by, he realized it was because the very thought of moving made him ill. This was one of the reasons he hated Veritaserum. The body knows being compelled to tell the truth in all cases is dangerous for it, and it rebels by sending in dizzyness and nausea to try to alert the potion drinker to the threat.  
  
He no doubt looked ill, as Allosia asked him if he wanted anything for the nausea.  
  
"No," he said. "no doubts, nothing to confuse this. Give me a moment, it should pass."  
  
She nodded. "Alright. My goal here is not to make you ill."  
  
"I'm aware of that."  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Severus Snape. I thought you were going to give me a minute."  
  
"No. What's your middle name?"  
  
"I don't have one."  
  
"What did you want it to be when you were fifteen?"  
  
"That's low, Allosia."  
  
"Answer."  
  
"Frederick," his annoyance was palpable.  
  
"How did you feel when the woman in the forest died."  
  
"Sad. I had wanted to know her name."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"She deserved that much."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"What are you looking for Allosia?"  
  
"What you're not telling me."  
  
"I am answering your questions as precisely as I can."  
  
"That's the problem, Severus," she said, reaching out to caress the side of his face. "I need you to relax. Is that so hard? For me?"  
  
"'Sia -"  
  
"Is it?" her voice was sterner this time.  
  
"No," and he bowed his head.  
  
Beautiful, she thought to herself, he's so beautiful like this, so different, so much more like when they were children. "What are you trying to hide from me about the woman in the woods from the Malfoy party?"  
  
"Your precision is excellent."  
  
"Yours isn't. Tell me."  
  
He smiled then, very cruelly. "You're so going to wish you hadn't done this to me."  
  
"That's what Albus said," she said as if she didn't care.  
  
His voice was slow, deliberate and halting. If he had to tell her, he'd try to hurt her with it. "I liked the feel of her warm breath against my hand. I liked feeling her back stiffen. I'm sorry she's dead. I'm sorry I had to be involved. But it is a feeling of very intimate power and I can't tell you I didn't like it," came out through his grit teeth.  
  
"Should I be afraid of you?" she said in an offhand way. Had his mind been clearer, he would have noticed she couldn't look him in the eye for a moment.  
  
"I pose no physical danger to you."  
  
"That was not the question."  
  
"I suspect then, that yes, you should be."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because my destiny is not my own. Even if I were a saint, as long as you know me, my life could destroy yours."  
  
"Wouldn't you say that's true of everyone, everywhere?"  
  
"Never waste Veritaserum on a philosophical argument, Allosia."  
  
"I have more."  
  
Snape groaned at this.  
  
Allosia laughed.  
  
"You like this," he said with disgust.  
  
"It was my job for a reason, mainly because I'm very good at it." She straddled his legs then and sat down on his lap, so that her face was the only thing in his world. She smiled, tilting her head this way and that.  
  
"Do you crawl over all your interrogation subjects as if you were a whore?" he asked.  
  
She froze. "If it suits my purposes."  
  
"I can't imagine what those are," he whispered.  
  
She grabbed his face and kissed him hard, enjoy the harshness of the Veritaserum lingering in his mouth.  
  
"That was stupid," he said, even as he relaxed into the chair.  
  
"It wasn't enough to affect me."  
  
"Do you know how much I want to fuck you?"  
  
"Don't be crude, Severus. You can tell me how much later. Tell me why now."  
  
"Oh, you bitch."  
  
She giggled then. "You love doing it, but you hate talking about it, don't you Severus? Hate being seen as if you have barriers that can actually be broached." She paused then. "That's an interesting thought, by the way."  
  
He blushed, and she couldn't have been more pleased. At least she'd have that to hold over his head for the rest of his life if nothing else.  
  
"Answer."  
  
"I want to fuck you, because I'm sick of this stupid teasing game we've gotten into," he said. "I regret that, by the way," tumbled out of his mouth then.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because had we consummated this sooner our problems would be entirely different than us hating each other because of this stupid Veritaserum stunt and my having a migraine for the next week."  
  
"How did you feel when Lucius told you, you had to bed me?"  
  
"Ill."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Afraid. For you. Miserable. I felt like I should do everything in my power to make sure we never saw each other again. Get you fired, get you hurt, just anything to get you away from me and Hogwarts."  
  
"What changed your mind?"  
  
"The trees were full of lights. I wanted the event to be different. It was very pretty. I wanted you to see them."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"I've always imagined getting married at night."  
  
She grabbed onto his shoulders and leaned as far back from him as she could and looked at him like he was out of his mind.  
  
"Repeat that."  
  
"No. I have to tell the truth, I don't have to do what you say."  
  
"Explain why you just said that, Severus."  
  
"The thought of going home to you that night, made me think of marrying you."  
  
"How do you feel about that now?"  
  
"Embarrassed."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"The levels of absurdity and horror here should be evident."  
  
"Yes, they are. I won't mention it again, until and unless it's something you want to talk about."  
  
"Thank you, Allosia. You're a good woman, just, insane."  
  
"Are you going to use me to prove something to Voldemort or Lucius?"  
  
"No, no, gods, no. But if you speak to me again after tonight, you will need to work with me on this."  
  
Allosia nodded. "I only have one other question then. The girl in the woods - " She settled her face back close to his again. "Did you love her?"  
  
"For those moments, yes."  
  
"Then I trust you, and I forgive you and I am sorry." Allosia said, and bowed her head into his shoulder. 


	45. aftermath

Disclaimer -  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Ch. 45 - in which Allosia asks the same question all of you have bee.  
  
  
  
------  
  
It took Snape a moment to realize that she wasn't apologizing because she was about to leave. She was apologizing for doing this to him. She was staying. Actually, considering these were her rooms, he supposed he was staying. Slowly, he wrapped his arms loosely around her, and then she threw her own arms tightly around his shoulders. Relief. Safety. And a vague warning to himself. The Veritaserum was still in his system and would be for another few hours. He would have to watch his tongue to what degree he could.  
  
"'Sia," he said, leaning back to get her to raise her head. "I need to lay down. This stuff makes me feel awful. May I stay?"  
  
She got up quickly, "Yes, of course," and then held out her hand to him, to lead him to the bed.  
  
He lay down with less grace than was typical of him, and a loud sigh of relief.  
  
"Is there anything I can get you? Tea?" she asked.  
  
"Gods no. Just, come, sit by me," he said. She did, and with his eyes closed he found her hands and placed one at each of his temples. "There. Now rub. And don't talk."  
  
She smiled at his crankiness, and for a while, did as she was told. Eventually, she whispered his name to see if he was still awake and got a "Hmmm?" and an arched eyebrow in response.  
  
"Are you furious with me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"Not while under the influence of Veritaserum."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"I'll forgive you. I understand why you did this, but never forget that the vial is not empty, that this night will come back to you somehow, some way."  
  
"I won't."  
  
"Then consider the matter closed."  
  
"Thank you. May I ask you something else?"  
  
"Why waste my perfectly good misery. Go ahead."  
  
"What did happen between you and Hana?"  
  
"Is it Hana now?" he asked with a chuckle. "We had an arrangement. It was rather," he paused, searching for the right word, "dramatic. Eventually she decided I was getting sweet on her and ended it. Personally, I think it was an exercise in projection on her part."  
  
"Were you?"  
  
"Was I what?"  
  
"Sweet on her."  
  
"If you use those words, I suppose I was. But I was not in love with her."  
  
"She's still rather fond of you."  
  
"Hana merely finds me funny, Allosia, which I assure you, as one who has been laughed at his entire life, is something quite other than being fond."  
  
"No, really, she is. She says I make her worry about you less."  
  
"Hrmph. Really? Certainly seems like I was right about the projection then."  
  
Allosia smiled. Why argue. Then, remembering, "you're not going to use Obliviate on me now, are you?"  
  
"I think my wand would explode if I touched it right now. Consider yourself saved."  
  
"So when are we going to do the deed?"  
  
Snape laughed, then winced. "Ow! Don't make me laugh right now, please? And as soon as Goblins stop digging vaults in my brain."  
  
She chuckled. "So that;s next year then?"  
  
"Hardly. You're not safe from me anymore."  
  
"No," she said softly, "I suppose not." 


	46. the headache

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
  
  
  
  
---------  
  
Snape rolled over, wrapped his arm around Allosia, murmured to himself, and then noticed the sensation of skin against skin. He didn't remember taking his clothes off.  
  
"'Sia," he said softly, but got no response. He said her name again, louder before remembering just what a solid sleeper she was and yanking her hair.  
  
"What?" she asked. It came out annoyed, confused, and sleepy.  
  
"Did you undress me?"  
  
"Yeah. Go back to sleep."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I'm tired."  
  
"No, why did you undress me?"  
  
"Because you'd have thrown a fit if I'd let you go to sleep in your robes."  
  
"Wake me next time."  
  
"Sorry. What are you doing?" she asked as he got out of the bed.  
  
"I need water, badly," he said, making his way towards her bathroom.  
  
"Oh," she said relaxing.  
  
He chuckled. "Did you think I was leaving?"  
  
"I don't know what I thought."  
  
"Go back to sleep."  
  
  
  
In the morning he declared he was skipping breakfast, and virtually ordered Allosia not to before taking the floo back to his rooms.  
  
Allosia, for her part, noticed Dumbledore's very sharp gaze on her the moment she walked into the Hall. She considered herself mentally. How did she seem today, what did her body language say. Secretly, she worried she might seem too victorious. That just wouldn't be right, or fair to Snape.  
  
"I trust Severus is alright," Dumbeldore said as she passed behind his chair.  
  
"Yes, he's fine, just a touch of a headache," she said cheerfully.  
  
'Merlin help Longbottom today," McGonogall mumbled to amused glances from both Dumbledore and Allosia.  
  
  
  
Snape began each of his classes with his usual lecture. But instead of explaining to them why potions were a beautiful art they could never hope to truly comprehend or analyzing the particular unique nature of each class' foolishness, he explained to them in exacting detail their task for the day.  
  
"Today's task, for each and every one of you, is to be as quiet, as possible," he said, dropping his volume with every word and taking a seat at his desk. Crossing his legs, and drumming his fingers silently on the tabletop, he continued. "That means, no frantic questions, NO exploding cauldrons, and no gratuitous attempts to suck up. Just do your work up to something resembling your usual pathetic standards without disturbing me and you'll get out of here without having detention for the rest of your lives. Are we clear? Just nod. Alright, there are your assignments then," and he waved his wand, making the required tasks become clear on the blackboard.  
  
The only student who dared speak to him all day was Draco Malfoy, after class. He still looked tired, and as if all the skin on his body were suddenly too thin. "Sir," he had said, "you look like I felt this weekend."  
  
Snape had smiled wanly at that. "That's what happy events do to people like us," he said.  
  
Malfoy had just nodded then, and left. The boy was still a fool, and still quite evil, Snape suspected, but his new sadness gave him a weight he did not previously have. It would serve him well, on any path.  
  
  
  
Allosia's classes fared better, although she had to resist the urge to give them a lecture in interrogation techniques, and decided to give them a little dueling practice instead. Chaos, especially from her students, and especially in the pursuit of knowledge always warmed her heart. Plus, watching first-years duel was always funny, because an eleven-year-old's concept of an attack was almost always deeply peculiar and generally centered on slugs or multi-coloured hair. The older students, while less entertaining, at least were doing something useful.  
  
  
  
Snape did find his way to the day's other meals, mentioning his headache to everyone who so much as looked at him to the point that Allosia started to imagine it as a physical being preceeding him into the room. She asked if there was anything she could do, but he dramatically informed her that she would just have to wait to have any interaction with him until the malady had passed.  
  
"I was not kidding when I told you I'd have a migraine for a week," he told her at lunch. By Thursday, she had decided to believe him.  
  
  
  
And it was thus that Snape conspired to miss the Halloween celebration even though the ache in his head had receeded the day before. 


	47. halloween

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
The Exaudio charm belongs to RJ Anderson. You should read her stuff.  
  
This, is what you people have been waiting for, sorta.  
  
The story doesn't quite end here though.  
  
Additionally, I started to write gory details and then realized I either had to go all the way with that or just not do it - so I'm just not doing it here. I will at a later date write an NC-17 on chapter thing covering the machinations of this (You're never going to let me live this down, are you Megan?), but not right now. I'll do it when this story concludes and before I begin the sequel. Fair enough? Should be soon.  
  
------------  
  
Allosia was having far too good of a time at the Halloween banquet. But then, she had always had a vicious sweet tooth and there was no other event that could make her remember her own time as a student so vividly.  
  
She had brought the photo album she had not looked at since her arrival down to the head table with her and she and Hana Hooch had spent a good twenty minutes howling over the photos. Hooch had never seen pictures of Snape as a student, and was particularly amused by one of him and Allosia from about a month before they stopped speaking. The boy in the photo kept laughing in a sly and pulling the girl's hair. She in turn, would just shrug, as if to say "see what I have to put up with." Hooch thought little had changed.  
  
And little had, even if Allosia had spent no time alone with Snape since the Veritaserum incident. Eventually his headache would go away and they would see what was next. In truth she was a little scared. Next, after all, meant all sorts of things, including her having to collude in his spy game, and their having sex with each other for the first time in twenty years. Not to mention having to deal with the reality of being in an actual relationship within the confines for Hogwarts, and of course her having to pretend he still had some of the secrets he had told while under the influence of the Vertiaserum.  
  
She missed him at the feast, but it wasn't his type of event anyway. When they were students he used to sit at the Slytherin table with his somewhat delicate aloofness quietly throwing candy corn into her hair. It had been the easiest way for him to say hello then, in the confines of that event, as members of separate houses. He had always imagined her running back to the dormitory and shaking her hair out, a clatter of orange candy about her feet.  
  
  
  
Snape stalked into the dining hall looking furious. As soon as people noticed him, they did their best to unnotice him.  
  
"I thought he wasn't coming," Hooch whispered closing Allosia's photo album.  
  
"So did I," she said.  
  
Snape pointed to Allosia and motioned for her to come down from behind the table.  
  
"Looks like someone's in trouble," Hooch whispered.  
  
"That's not funny!" Allosia said grabbing her book.  
  
As she reached Snape he grabbed her arm and started leading her out of the hall.  
  
"What?!" Allosia asked, somewhat annoyed but mostly incredibly confused.  
  
When he got her outside the Hall and the doors closed behind them he slammed her into a wall and kissed her. "Couldn't wait," he said, "and wasn't about to sit through the candy feast thinking about it. This was the only way to get you out of there."  
  
"No more headache I take it?"  
  
"No. Come," he said, motioning with his head towards the corridors to his rooms.  
  
They hurried along the halls, running into no one except Peeves. "Teachers not at the party!?" he had shouted at the top of his non-corporeal lungs. "Why aren't you at the party?" he whined.  
  
Snape had started to say something clever then, but Allosia had cut him off. "Shut up, Peeves!" and oddly, that had done the trick.  
  
When they got to Snape's rooms they stood in front of the hearth for a long moment staring at each other and catching their breath.  
  
Finally, he broke the silence. "Are you sure?" he whispered.  
  
"Of?"  
  
He thought for a moment. "Me."  
  
"I've already told you that," she said warmly.  
  
"Of this then. Of what it means."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"You'll be part of my work -"  
  
"As I was the first time," she said.  
  
"Yes, you're right, of course. I may have to do things that would make any sane woman flee."  
  
"I'm not sane, Severus, but yes, I know I may have to expect a different kind of faithfulness from you."  
  
"Thank you. I had not wanted to put it so baldly." He looked away from her.  
  
Allosia shrugged. "We do what we can."  
  
"We do," he said softly, before closing the distance between then and taking her face in his hands and kissing her gently.  
  
Allosia let the photo album slip to the floor as subtly as she could, before breaking the kiss and whispering "bed."  
  
  
  
When she had begun to fumble with the buttons of his robes, he had offered to deal with it himself, when she refused, he suggested her wand. "No," she said through kisses "I like this, even if my dexterity is terrible."  
  
He had no such patience though and stripped her with a simple charm.  
  
"It's cold," she complained.  
  
"Then get in the bed and let me deal with the damn buttons," he said, running his hands down her sides.  
  
Allosia acquiesced, but couldn't stop herself from asking, "What is that about anyway?"  
  
"The buttons?" he said as he shrugged out of his robes and began to deal with the rest of his wardrobe.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm partial to detail," he said.  
  
"Clearly," she said, drawing up the blankets to her chin.  
  
Snape slipped into the bed then and gathered her to him. Allosia let out a small noise of pleasure as their skin touched. He ran a hand along her jaw and smiled before kissing her and slipping his leg between her own. She pressed into him then, and he broke the kiss.  
  
"Wait," he whispered and she looked confused.  
  
Reaching around to his nightstand he grabbed his wand, and performed the Exaudio charm on them. Allosia looked at him quizzically. "I want you here with me," he said, his voice coming to her normally and also echoing almost inside her head. "No getting so lost we can't find each other."  
  
She chuckled, it was ingenious, and through the charm and their proximity her laugh to him sounded like chimes. 


	48. settling in

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
Exaudio belongs to J R Anderson  
  
Yes, I've elided over the sex thing for the most part. That will be in a separate NC-17.  
  
I'm going to kick all of your asses if you don't stick around for the denouement of this thing. It's important to the sequel, and I'll tell you right now that neither the end of this, nor the sequel has any intent of being a cheesy wedding fic, because I am just not that type of girl, and if I become one, SHOOT ME.  
  
This is not the last chapter, but we're almost there.  
  
Thank you.  
  
-----------------  
  
Allosia was aware of her body before she was aware of being conscious. It hurt, just a little, everywhere. It took a few moments for the reason why to swim in to the small part of her brain that was awake. She smiled then, rolled over and opened her eyes, but the bed was empty.  
  
She must have made a little noise then, because she heard his voice softly, from behind her eyes, "I'm in here."  
  
She smiled, got up, grabbed his kimono from the bathroom, and padded out to the sitting room, where she found him curled in one of his green chairs, going through her photo album.  
  
He looked up at the sound of her footsteps, waved his wand at her and whispered "Finite Incantatum," breaking the odd vocal link. Allosia realized it would take her a few moments to get used to not having it.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked.  
  
"That should be obvious," he said. "I don't have any pictures of either of us, aside from the yearbooks. I had forgotten these were taken."  
  
She smiled, and he twisted his head around to look at her.  
  
"It's a strange thing," he said, touching the edge of one of the photos. "You spend your whole life hearing you look a certain way, are a certain way, and you live your life accordingly, and then one day, you notice that while fairly true, it's not exactly true. It makes everything look much different."  
  
Allosia nodded, sensing he was speaking more for his own benefit than hers.  
  
He sighed heavily then. "I suppose you want me to come back to bed."  
  
"It would be nice. You can bring the photos if you'd like."  
  
He closed the book and nodded at it then, and stood to follow her back to the alcove. Crawling back into bed, he asked her, "why did you save all these?"  
  
"It was all I had."  
  
"You've always had a sense of loss about you."  
  
"It made me prepared," she said as lightly as she could.  
  
He nodded. "Tomorrow, we'll need to talk to Dumbeldore about what information you can give me to give," he paused, "them."  
  
"It's not like you to avoid naming things, but yes, that's fine"  
  
"This is our bed, this is different."  
  
She noted the pronoun, but didn't comment on it.  
  
"You're also going to have to be much more careful when you leave the school grounds. Even if I didn't care about you, Lucius would presume I did, which means you are really and truly at risk."  
  
Allosia nodded, then sighed and stretched. "I'm not going anywhere until morning and neither are you. Can business wait until then?" her eyes were somewhat pleading.  
  
Snape touched her face. "It can, but don't forget this," he held the Dark Mark up to her face. "There are no safe times."  
  
She nodded before sliding further down in the bed and curling against him.  
  
"Alright," he said. "You win," and put the book aside and grabbed hold of her once again.  
  
  
  
When Allosia walked into the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning she couldn't help but laugh as all eyes turned to her. She suspected people though Snape was going to kill her when he dragged her from the Hall last night. As she took her seat at the head table, Dumbledore gave her the smallest of smiles with a very great twinkle in his eye. Absolutely nothing escaped him.  
  
Allosia had to stifle another laugh when Snape walked in, trying to disguise the bounce in his walk as his usual fury. She caught a few students trying to look at either of them surreptitiously but most decided to pay sudden intense interest to their cereal. As he took his seat, with his customary flourish of robes, Allosia remembered her first evening here as a teacher. That little had changed in essence was a great relief.  
  
Snape gently and briefly touched her leg under the table, and then ignored her about as much as he always had at every meal. She returned his small hello with a similar gesture.  
  
As the day went on, he would often appear at her classroom or by her side in the halls between classes. She would look at him quizzically, say hello, and they would separate. It was delightful and absurd. When he decided to wander in to one of her classes though and perch there for the last ten minutes of lecture she had had enough.  
  
"Professor Snape, you're scaring my students, and if you don't leave of your own volition right this minute I will begin throwing books and curses at you," she said brandishing her wand. He flashed his predatory smile then, bowed and left. Her students stared at her in awe. She would have to thank him later.  
  
  
  
Hermione Granger was probably not the only student to have surmised what the situation was, but she was certainly the only one so hell-bent on proving her intelligence that she would mention it to either professor.  
  
"Professor Hemrand?" she said, approaching Allosia's desk after a class later that week.  
  
"Yes, Miss Granger, what is it?" It wasn't like the girl to sound nervous.  
  
"I just wanted to tell you, I'm glad your and Sn-I mean, Professor Snape worked things out."  
  
Allosia raised and eyebrow at her and Hermione, not entirely correctly presumed this was license to continue.  
  
"I know you're trying to hide it, and I certainly won't say anything, but trust me, your students have noticed. Thank you."  
  
"Thank you?"  
  
"Well, we figure this could only possibly make him a little bit nicer."  
  
Allosia laughed. "I so would not count on that, Miss Granger. Get out of here, before I decide this is inappropriate."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," she said with a smile and waved on her way out.  
  
For her sake, I hope she doesn't mention this to Severus, Allosia thought to herself and laughed out loud.  
  
  
  
Hermione, was however, just that daring, later that day approaching Snape after a potions class that was no kinder or gentler than any other potions class.  
  
"Sir?" she asked, nervously.  
  
Snape looked up from the papers he was correcting. "Miss Granger?"  
  
"I, I, Well I just wanted to say that I'm glad you've worked things out with Professor Hemrand. I think it's a right good thing you have someone looking out for you now."  
  
Snape's facial expression went from amused to horrified to furious and back several times. If nothing else, the Granger girl had guts. He finally managed to say, "I'm tickled enough by your concern and well wishes, that if you get out of here right now, I'll forget you ever said that," he paused then, for dramatic effect. Hermione waited for the punchline. "Or, that you ever told Potter and Weasley, hrrrm, what was the exact word you used? Something about charisma and power I believe. Oh yes, that's right, compelling. You told them I was compelling."  
  
Hermione blushed, but also managed a slight laugh. This was, in some odd way she realized, Snape's sense of humor she was witnessing. He nodded at her, as if to confirm her suspicions, before saying. "Out of here Miss Granger, I'm sure you have other classes to make a menace of you intellect in."  
  
And so she left.  
  
  
  
Their meeting with Dumbledore had also been sweet. Allosia felt that he smiled at her as if he were her own father. The content of the meeting, though, was stern and frightening. They talked of her safety, of plots within plots, of information that could be fed to Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Aurors would be at risk sometimes. It was necessary and it was all in the name of the greater good.  
  
Allosia saw the look on Snape's face at the phrase, and realized that eventually she would probably look that disgusted herself. This was an impossible, dreary and perhaps endless war. This is what he had warned her about. More than risks to her self and more than risks to him or their relationship, she now lived, more clearly than she ever had in a world where hope was mostly about maintaining an unsatisfactory status quo.  
  
Her hand crept into his during the meeting, and no one chided at her for it.  
  
  
  
As November gave way to December, Allosia did her best to spend time in her own rooms, doing her work, continuing the solitary and scholarly life that had appealed to her just enough to ultimately end up in Ravenclaw. Snape would disturb her often, but after the first few times, she found she could tell him to leave without him sulking.  
  
Sometimes, they still flew in the dark, in front of the castle, and once Snape was even feeling spiteful enough to intentionally startle McGonnogal as she read in her window seat.  
  
  
  
The Dark Lord called once, in that first week of December. Snape had given him the information that Lucius had said he better find, that Dumbeldore had decided it was safe enough to provide. Everyone seemed satisfied, and Snape had returned to Allosia that night, wracked with pain from the Cruciatus but not damaged beyond that.  
  
It was compensation, he told her, Voldemort felt he needed something to balance him from the pleasure of her. She had held her face stiffly then, and Snape had yelled at her not to feel guilty. It was just another excuse after all. The Cruciatus would have come with or without her. 


	49. yule

Disclaimer:  
  
All things not Allosia belong to JKR.  
  
To see the hat referenced before and pivotal to this chapter, please go to http://www.fear.net/~reive/sia.jpg  
  
This is the end of Ghosts. It is cute, it is cliched, come on, you know you love me anyway.  
  
I'll begin its as yet unnamed sequel soon.  
  
Thank you to all my reviewers and to all my friends who put up with this thing eating my life for a few weeks.  
  
---------  
  
The impending winter holidays were something of a strain on everyone. Preparations for the Yule Ball were making everyone insane. Students panicked about dates and wardrobe, teachers groused about chaperoning duties and everyone was busy with last minute travel arrangements.  
  
Everyone except Severus Snape, that is. He lived at Hogwarts year round, and was able to put up with the chaos of December only because he knew he would have relative quiet as soon as the students and most of the faculty left for holiday.  
  
He and Allosia had fought about it. He didn't think she was safe leaving Hogwarts, nor did he want to complicate her life by coming with her to visit her parents just yet. And she certainly didn't want him along for the ride as she tried to find a subletter for her flat. She suspected strongly that he would manage to scare them all off. They had settled, both somewhat reluctantly, on his staying at the castle and her shortening the duration of her trip.  
  
He had asked her to the Yule Ball then, probably as a peace offering.  
  
"I know we both have to go anyway," he said, "but would you be so kind as to attend with me?"  
  
Allosia had smiled and agreed, making a mental note to wear the hat she had purchased on their long ago trip to Hogsmeade.  
  
Historically, Snape had always volunteered to wander the grounds with Hagrid during the Ball. Catching students up to mischief was always far better than trying to put off McGonogall and Hooch who always asked him to dance on stupid bets with other professors.  
  
This year though, for Allosia, he decided to stay inside. It would be easier and it was a small enough gesture to make her happy.  
  
Deciding to be a true and formal gentleman about the matter, he offered to retrieve her at her rooms. When she appeared at the door he groaned inwardly. She was wearing that damn hat and while she looked lovely in her black and purple dress robes, the thing had enough personality that he fully expected it to start speaking and he had quite enough of that from the sorting hat, thank you.  
  
Although she had seen him grimace at the hat, she refrained from comment, since he had managed to as well, and they walked, arm and arm to the Yule Ball.  
  
As they entered the Great Hall, they got more than a few second glances. Albus beamed at them, and Hooch ran up to them immediately, playfully insulting Snape and then gushing over Allosia's hat.  
  
The couple separated then and attended for a time to their duties as chaperones. Snape occasionally snuck up behind Allosia and muttered something scathing about a particular student's choice of formal wear before departing again. Allosia almost doubled over in a fit of laughter when she saw him compliment the Granger girl on her attire. The girl handled it with some grace and a knowing look. She knew what he was playing at and Allosia felt glad for her. That overeager and unsure child might just become a very strong woman one day.  
  
  
  
She noticed Draco Malfoy then, sitting by himself, watching the spectacle with both sadness and annoyance. He reminded her of Snape at that age, and she couldn't help but go over to him.  
  
"Not as much fun as your father's party, huh?" Allosia asked, feigning disinterest.  
  
He looked at her then, searching, trying to figure out just how much she knew. He could not decide. "No," he said. "Thank god."  
  
Allosia noted the answer with interest. "Why so glum then?"  
  
"Familial obligation," he said sharply as if it were a subject she'd know nothing about.  
  
"You'll be alright," she said, and patted his back before walking away.  
  
He stared after her, still wondering if she were incredibly ignorant or not.  
  
  
  
Allosia startled as she felt Snape's hands at her waist. He bent, and whispered in her ear, "come outside with me for a moment," and so she followed him, out onto the main landing of the castle.  
  
They leaned against the low stone wall, feeling the chill and the wind for a few moments. He spoke then, without looking at her. "Do you remember, what I told you about Lucius' party?"  
  
"Which part?" she asked.  
  
"About the lights." She heard a faint annoyance in his voice. Embarrassment.  
  
"Yes, I remember."  
  
"What do you think about that?"  
  
"The lights?"  
  
"No, Allosia, not the lights."  
  
"About nighttime weddings then?" silently, she was cursing herself for being so intentionally obtuse.  
  
"About marrying me," he said, still looking out over the grounds.  
  
"I think it sounds about right," she said, before adding, "and I think it would be very pretty at night."  
  
He smiled then. "Good, now I can tell you why I hate that unholy hat of yours so much," and he turned to her, and took hold of its small brim and removed it from her head. "It makes it absolutely impossible to kiss you."  
  
He bent then, and did exactly that.  
  
  
  
FIN. 


End file.
